ive been thinking of you john ocallaghan fan fic
by emmk123
Summary: emily is alex gaskarths sister. she is brought along on warped tour and found out of a band called the maine. the lead singer john? he is a dick. but could that just be his charm?
1. Chapter 1

Today was the day I got home from college. No more classes. No more professors. No more ex. I am free. The moment I stepped off that plane I looked for my brother. I looked and looked until I saw that long hair. I was stopped in my tracks when I saw a huge pink streak in it. 'Oh well.' I thought to myself.

"Alexis!" I screamed while hugging my brother.

"Emily, I swear if you keep calling me that I'll kill you "his face got all serious and I fake pouted.

"I'm sorry Alex but your hair…. Just so feminine" I tousled his hair and smirked at him.

"This is the Alex gaskarth trademark sissy" he winked at me and I just scoffed. How did he get girls like that? Ew.

"Hey I'm meeting up with your husband and the other two today for practice. Wanna come?" he said while punching my shoulder.

"He isn't my husband!" I said defensively. "Oh no but you just dream and fangirl about him don't you?" he winked again and I punched his arm hard. "Jack barakat is the hottest guy in the band! Sorry if his skunk hair is adorable. He should've never taken it out." I said shaking my head disapprovingly "I'm sorry to disappoint my wifey" jack said with a burrito in hand. "Oh my god." I said and buried my head in my hands. I looked up again with my face all red. "Wait! The skunk is back!" I ran up to him and gave him a tight hug. "I still think you should be my wife" he smirked. "I want a damn good ring!" I laughed. He got down on one knee and held out his burrito. "Emily Rae gaskarth. Will you do me the honor of taking one very small bite out of my burrito and then be my wife?" I sat on his knee. "Of course my dahling" I said all fancy. I unwrapped the burrito and started to take a bite. "wait, you didn't fuck this did you?" I winked and he laughed. "alex made me not to. Sorry" I laughed and took a bite. "Yummy" I said and stood up.

"Dude. I'm ready to practice. And zack brought his skateboard" Alex said picking up my bags. "I saw those lyrics you put on your wall. They're really nice Emmy." Alex whispered in my ear. Only he knew how much I loved music. And my reasons why. But he knew I could never sing them. That's why he whispered. Jack would have been jumping up and down and screaming "SING FOR ME MY WIFEY!" I nudged Alex in his shoulder "thanks" I said back.

We finally got to the car and it was a silent car ride back. Well I wouldn't have known. I fell asleep right when we left.

I was woken up by "miserable at best" by mayday parade on the stereo. I started singing along when the "and I got the point that I should leave you alone" part came on and wiped a tear that rolled down. "Shit. I'm sorry em. I thought you were sleeping." Jack said and changed the song "its okay. It just always makes me cry." I said and sniffled and a smile came across my face when jasey Rae came on. '' we listen to our own songs… we aren't self-centered" Alex said laughing. "Why did you use my middle name?" I asked. "Because it rhymed…." Alex said like a 'duh…' comment. "Oh okay" I said laughing. Alex pounded on the brakes. "ALEX WHAT THE FUCK"I screamed. "Hot girl….. And were at rian's" he said staring at the girl. I got out and tiredly walked into rian's house. "DID YOU MISS ME" I yelled and I saw zack come around the corner. "Oh my god. Emmy! You're back!" he came and he hugged me." damn boy. You got ripped "I said and I poked his arms. ''thanks'' he said and smiled. I poked his nose and we laughed "where rian?'' I said frowning. "He got new drums. He doesn't trust a potentially naked jack around them." I rolled my eyes and made my way down to the basement. "Emmy….. Is that you!" he got up and gave me a huge hug. "oh my god. You look so different. I see two new tattoos? Beautiful." He said as he spun me around. "Awwwh rian" I said as I blushed. "You were always the nicest." I said and winked at him and gave him another hug. I walked over to the microphone and sang. "I would like to hear someone else besides me down here boys. With that they all came running down the stairs. "Good now play for me my boys" they got into their places and played jasey Rae for me. The rest of the practice went better than expected.

I brought them all waters and we all watched mean girls. I looked around and saw a suitcase by the stairs to the second floor. "Rian… who's bags are those?" I pointed to them. "Oh they're mine for warped…. Alex didn't tell you?" I glared at Alex. "No. he fucking didn't." Alex held his hands up "I under estimated your fangirling abilities sis." I slapped him on his arm. "So I'm just stuck here in Maryland while you guys go tour!" I said and got up. "LET MY WIFEY COME'' jack protested. ''Fine. She can come." Alex said after about 8 min. "well then I'm going home to pack…." I laughed and gave everyone a hug and a kiss on the cheek and walked home. It wasn't that far and I was surprised I remembered how to get home. I got the spare key from under the mat and walked inside. I was about to say "hey mom and dad." But I remembered they were on vacation for their anniversary. I ran upstairs to my old room and took a deep breath just taking everything in. I looked outside my window and saw someone inside the house… that house has been on the market for a long time. Had they finally sold it? I opened my window to get a better look. It was just some party a highschooler was having. Ha-ha I remember those days. But I'm a sophomore in college now. I have my own sorority mixers and formals and such. But who says a girl can't have fun? I plugged in my phone and put dashboard confessional on full volume and danced around my room while packing. I didn't need a party… I was going on warped :)


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up the next day to alex and jack jumping on my bed. "were goin to warped… lets go!" they shouted. I woke up and rolled out of bed.i slept in my clothes so I brushed my teeth and fixed my hair. "leggo" I said. "you are the easiest girl ever…" jack said in awe. "dude…shes my sister." Alex said fake offeneded. "you know how I ment it." Jack said punching alex. I was downstairs and got an apple and a water bottle out of the fridge. "okay im ready." I said and they ushered me out the door onto the bus. I ran inside and found the only open top bunk. "mine." I said like a child and put my stuff into it. Jack climbed into my bunk with me. "this is actually mine…. But we can share it." He said like a kid also. "fuck no." alex said from his bunk. Jack pulled open the curtain,put his thumbs over my lips and pretended to kiss me. I flipped alex off. "jack.. what the fuck!" alex climbed into my bunk and saw we were pretending. "fuck you both… but sereiously.. jack. Away from my sister you freak." Alex said and with that jack started to climb over me since I was laying down and said "ill get you one day my wife." And growled/snapped his teeth at me like an animal. i broke out laughing and alex threw him out of my bunk. Alex replaced jack and we both sat in my bunk. "Emily. I need to talk to you." He closed my curtain and took a deep breath. "you are my only sister and sibling now. Im doing everything I can to protect you." When he brings up tom… he is sereious. "I don't want you falling for anyone on this tour. I know it sounds harsh… but most guys in bands are dicks. Their music may say theyre all lovey dovey but behind closed doors… they don't mean a thing." I gulped and it felt like a dagger to my heart. He didn't know what every musician ment when they wrote music…. He had no right to judge. " I promise" I don't know why I said it…. Mabey it was more for tom … I don't know. "thank you so much em. I love you" he hugged me and hopped out of my bunk. "I love you too." I whispered. I dug in my pillow case and pulled out that old folded up piece of paper.

Dear tom,

I miss you so much. Im going to be there soon. I don't care if they tell me im too young to understand. I loved you so much. Everyone misses you. Why did you have to go? I guess tonight is the night ill be able to find out. They wont miss me. They are all to devastated by you. A few hours and ill see you again. I love you so much tom. Im doing this for you.

Goodbye ~~~ Emily

I read it over and over until my eyes were so full of tears I could make out the words I knew by heart. Everything was supposed to end that night. But alex came in and found the pills in my hand and sang to me to calm me down. Just hugging me. Hugging me util I felt better.

I read the note whenever I feel sad because I know that alex will always be there for me.

I wiped my flowing tears and got out of my bunk. I found alex in the living room talking to zack about the setlist and sneaked in and hugged him. "note" I whispered into alexs ear. Alex nodded and just hugged me back and continued talking to zacvk. "note" was our safe word. Whenever we needed to cry, needed a hug,or just needed to talk we whispered '' note " and we understood. Alex and I stayed like that long after zack and alex stopped talking. Soon enough alex asked " whats wrong" he was stroking my back and I was crying softly into his chest. "I miss him alex. I really really miss him. And I just wanted to thank you. I love you so fucking much. I owe you my life. You are the best big brother ever. You are everything I hope to be alex. I hope you know that."I was crying harder now and I could tell alex was getting choked up because his voice was cracking. "I don't want you to be me. I want you to be more. Hell I know you will be more. You know why? Because you are so strong. And I envy that of you. You don't turn to alchohol and sex. You turn to music. You let it all out. But I guess that's why I have you. We are eachothers rock. No one and nothing will ever change that okay? This is what tom would have wanted. Us pulling together. Not falling apart" he kept rubbing my back as I stopped crying. "thank you again alex." I said as I hugged him and stood up to go to the bathroom to freshen up. I looked in the mirror and was shocked. I apparently didn't wear makeup. Okay. Am I sick or something? I shook my head and washed my face. I felt better but my eyes were still red. I looked around for my glasses and put them on. Ehh it worked more or less. I walked out into the back living room and found zack and jack playing call of duty. "Emily….. you wanna play?" jack said warily. I snapped back into focus. I guess I was staring at the stripper pole on the bus…. Oh god. I laughed and replied "why yes I would jack." I stood infront of jack and motioned for him to scoot over. "my lap or the edge sistah" he said. I rolled my eyes and sat on his lap. I don't like being on the edge. I took the controller from him and zack chose to play nazi zombies. Wrong choice. I ended up being first with 382 kills and zack had a mere 120 kills. "where the fuck did you learn how to play?" zack said defeated. "what do you think us sorority girls do all day? Stare out the window?" I laughed and jack gave me a highfive. "thatta girl!" he said and hugged me from behind. The bus stopped and I looked at the clock. "we spent like 4 hours playing nazi zombies…" I gave zack a highfive and we all laughed. "laziness prevailed this time" jack said picking me up and throwing me on the couch. " hey now." I said faking to be hurt. "but I thought you liked it rough" jack winked and I laughed. He turned around to walk to the front room. I was bored and jumped off of the couch and followed him. "where are we!" I said in excitement. My first concert at warped tour. Wow. Trust me ive been to a lot of other concerts. Just not THE warped tour. I gasped as I saw how big it was. "damn…im probably going to get lost." I said looking around. "don't worry" someone said. I turned around and saw vinny. "VIIIINNNNNYYYYYYY VEEEGGGASSSSSSS" I yelled and he started laughing his ass off. "oh my god. Its been so long vin." I said and gave him a tight hug. "weren't you on the bus?" I stopped.. I mustve walked by him.. "no. I drove separate… the bus is only my night home." He smirked at me and I fake laughed….. I don't know what he means honestly. Guess ill find out tonight. "well where do we go?'' I asked. " oh .. youre so innocent little one" he poked my nose and I tried to bite him. "im not innocent. Im just new to warped.. that's all." He laughed and put his arm around me. "to the merch table slave" he pointed me to an empty booth. "wheres all the merch?" I said looking around. There was zack… carrying three boxes of clothes. They looked so heavy.. no way I was doing that. "ummm. Im not lifting anything… since im so innocent and all." I said sticking my tounge out. He sighed snd walked over to carry some things. "BOO!" alex said coming up from behind. I screamed and started hitting him. "geez its me… calm down" he said laughing. "really… you scared me half to death thanks… what did you want anyway." I crossed my arms and glared at him. He pulled on a shirt that was hanging out of his back pocket. It said 'the other gaskarth' on the back with a picture of me and alex hugging for the camera last summer. "this is so cute….. but I don't want to wear it." I said with a fake pout,. "well then…" alex took the shirt back and looked sad. "but,. For mybig brother I guess ill get attacked by girls for you." I said with a smile. He gave me back the shirt and I changed right there. Hey. So what. I was wearing a bra. It covered more than most of these girls bikinis. "it fits!" I said turning around for alex. "now.. this shirt comes with a catch…. You have to come on stage and sing juliets part. She is doing her own set and cant come to ours…..please?" he said with a sorry look in his eyes. "alex." I cant believe he is actually asking me this. "Emily. You don't have to but youre better than zack at that part." He said trying to convince me. "I don't know… ill have to think about it. Ill find you before the show and give you my answer. I promise." I said pinky swearing him. "thank you for at least thinking about it sis. Now go have fun." He pushed me out into the crowded pathway. ….. only where do I have fun….. I don't know where to go. I felt like a kid in the super market and my mom was in some other aisle. I saw a lineup and looked at the list of names. The only people playing soon were people I have already seen in concert. I sighed and kept going through the list. One band that was playing in 20 minutes was one called 'the maine'….. funny name. oh well. I guess ill go watch them. I made my way to their stage and saw it packed. Damn. If they are known then why don't I know their name? I shook it off and made my way to the front. Avoiding 2 small mosh pits. I was about 3 rows from the barrier and someone pushed me forward to the barrier. "dammit." I cursed. I didn't want to be in the front. Im not a dedicated fan. They should have the chance to be up there. "are you really alex's sister?" some girl asked me. "yeah. " I said politely with a smile. "oh. That's cool. My names Lindsey betts by the way." She held her hand out for me to shake and I did . " oh youre Brooke's sister! Tell him I said hi. And my names Emily. Emily rae gaskarth." She laughed and looked onstage for a moment trying to find the band. "I will. And I cant help but to ask. Jasey rae? Why did he put your middle name in there?" she was confused. Everyone is when the make the connection. "he said it rhymed. So he went with it." I shrugged my shoulders and she mouthed 'ohhhh' "yeah. So do you know who this band is?" I asked her. "they are from tempe,Arizona. I am only watching them because my friend is like a diehard fan but I seemed to lose her somehow." She said looking around. She let out a sigh of defeat and rested on the barrier. All of a sudden everyone started cheering and I turned around and saw five guys come out. Five? Well that's weird…. They have two guitarists. Oh well. "hey guys we are the maine. And I want every single one of you to get dirty tonight. LETS GO!" the lead singer said. I laughed. Nice way to start a concert I suppose. I started dancing to their songs. They were pretty catchy to be honest. When Lindsey and I got tired we both were resting on the barrier. "dude… what are you staring at." Lindsey said laughing, I shook my head. "nothing." I said and bit my lip. "you were tottaly checking john out!" she started laughing again. "who?" I didn't know who she was taking about. "the shirtless hottie singing. You should really check up on people girl!" she bumped my hip and I just started laughing. It was inbewteen songs and everyone was quiet. All except for the girls saying "MARRY ME JOHN" I remember when I was like that. Haha that was so long ago. "HEY JOHN MY FRIEND HERE THINKS YOUR CUTE" Lindsey shouted during silence. "I blushed and looked down. "well she isn't that bad herself. After the show?" He winked and did a little half smile smirk thing… oh my god… he is so cute. "not in your wildest dreams" I said back. "haha john got turned down…. That's never happened before" the bassist said. "Shes alex gaskarths sister to." Lindsey screamed again. The crowd went wild. Oh shit. Everyone started pushing their way to the front. "HEY. Everyone back the fuck off." John screamed into the microphone. I smiled up to him letting him now I was thankful. The guy at the barrier let me out and I walked into the pathways again. I looked at my phone. I got 10 miniutes until my brother goes on… shit… where do I go! I found girls with all time low shirts on and just followed them. I made it backstage and found alex warming up. "alex. Im here." I said and hugged him. "knew you would be." He let go and looked at me like there was more for me to say. Oh yeah….. "alex. I don't know. I don't think its best for me too." I said looking down. I didn't want to disappoint him but. I couldn't get up there. "alex. You have to go. Now." The stage manager said basically pushing him onstage. "get me a mic." I said to him. " I guess im Juliet for the night." I said to my self. A few songs passed. They were awesome tonight. They brought alex a stool and an acoustic guitair. Fuck. I guess its now or never. I was sweating. I just closed my eyes and listened to my brother sing.

"Oh, I can see now

That all of these clouds are following me

In my desperate endeavor

To find my whoever, wherever she may be"

I stayed backstage but gave it all I had. As I sang the first few words I started walking out. Alex looked at me and smiled. I walked over to him and he put his arm around me. Fuck guitar.

"I'm not coming back, I've done something so terrible

I'm terrified to speak but you'd expect that from me

I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt

Now the rain is washing you out of my hair

And out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world

So many thousands of feet off the ground

I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds

Towering over your head"

When I was done he finished the sang and everyone cheered.

"guys. This was a total surprise. But this is my sister. Emily rae gaskarth."

He hugged me and hugged me tight. "thank you so much" he said while hugging. "no problem" I said and kissed his cheek. I put the microphone to my lips again. "can I please do something though?" I said looking sat the stool. "do itt" alex chanted with the crowd. I picked up the stoll and threw it on the ground. It didn't break….. the crowd erupted with awes. "sorry guys." I said shrugging my shoulders. The guys came out and that was my cue to leave. "oh and im engaged to Emily guys. She took a bite out of my burrito and everything." Jack said to the crowd. "it was pretty magical" alex said with a straight face. I just laughed and shook my head. Boys will be boys. I just sat backstage for the rest of the concert.


	3. Chapter 3

The concert ended and the boys all came running backstage. I highfived them and alex grabbed a towel and ran into the bathroom. "he awlways gets first shower." Zack explained to me. "just like old times." I laughed and kept poking zacks muscles. " what time is it?" I said yawning. "its only wake the fuck up o clock." He said play slapping my face. " I think its time for a nap." I said and curled up on the couch. I closed my eyes and soon enough I fell asleep.

I was woken up by someone throwing water on me. "wake up sleeping beauty" alex said with a bucket in hand. "well thanks a lot." I said getting up. "aww don't be mad." He said pouting. "well im not going to be happy!" I said and walked outside and tried to find the bus. Believe it or not I was finding my way around. I found the bus and nobody in it yet. Good. I got shorts and a tanktop from my bag and went to the bathroom and changed. I looked in the mirror and fixed my soaking hair. "god dammit alex" I muttered to myself. "Emily open up its rian" I jumped at him pounding on the door. "come in" then he opened the door and grabbed my hand. "theres a party. Alex told me to get you." We walked off of the bus and saw a barbeque in between the busses. Instantly I smelt burgers,brats,hot dogs and all the good food. "have fun" rian said ditching me for beer pong. I sighed and walked over to the cooler full of beer. I grabbed a bottle and twisted off the cap. I turned around and next thing I know im beer-less and collided with a complete stranger. "what the fuck man." The stranger said. I just shrugged it off. Some idiot who was already wasted .Only it wasn't a complete stranger. And . the weren't wasted. "if it isn't john." I said with a smirk. " oh… is that you? Whats your name again?" he said using napkins to dry his shirt. "well wouldn't you like to know?" I said and his eyes met mine. He did that little half smile and my knees almost went weak. "well yes. I would like to know very much actually." He said putting the napkins down. "well then. Its Emily." I said holding my hand out to him. "glad to formally meet you." He kissed my hand and I laughed. He took a step forward until we were inches apart. I looked into his eyes and he smiled. Only he leaned beside me and got two beers. When he handed me mine his face was still about an inch away. "thanks." I said breathlessly. ''just don't spill it this time." He said walking away. All I could do was just stare off in his direction. He was so cute,and obviously had experience with picking girls up. Hes perfect. Wait. No I cant be thinking that. I promised alex. I promised him I wouldn't fall for anyone on tour,that I wouldn't get hurt. I looked away from his direction and found my brother doing shots with his friends. "scoot over." I said squeezing myself in between a slightly drunk alex and a wasted drummer from the maine. He was obviously new at this. I picked up glass after glass and just downed it. I didn't care about the burn. I just didn't want to think anymore. I didn't want to think about johns perfect hair. Or where he has tattoos. Or how his breath didn't reek of alchohol when he was a mere inch away from my face. I wanted him to kiss me so bad. My body went into shivers as I took more shots. I couldn't think about him. I cant. Looking at my side I wondered if I was saying all of these things aloud because alex just looked at me with a curious/shocked expression on his face. It took me a good 5 min of just standing there ,knowing the worst, to get enough courage to speak.''w-what arre you loookin at?" I slurred. "how did you learn how to do that. I mean youre better than me" alex said. Obviously not nearly as drunk as me. "you should really come to my sorority house bro. guys doing body shots, everything you could think of. College is the life." I raised my shot glass triumphantly. " I think its time for you to go home." He took me by the arms and started walking with me to the bus. "but I don't wanna go you party pooper! I want to dance with that hottie on the dancefloor…."I stopped in my tracks. "you aren't dancing. Youre going to sleep." Alex said trying to move me. I slowly started going with him but I couldn't take my eyes off of the dancefloor. i stumbled onto the bus but alex got me to my bunk without me dying. "goodnight em." He said as he tucked me in. "nighty night alexis." I said curling into a ball. Alex closed the curtain and I wiped my smile off of my face. I couldn't get that picture out of my head. John making out with some band slut on the dancefloor. she was practically naked. I don't know why but it hurt. It shouldn't.. but it did. And when he looked at me when they were dancing. There was something in his eyes….. something that made me afraid. I didn't want to dance with him. I wanted to be safe on the bus. I assured myself it was just the too many shots talking and closed my eyes.

In the morning~~~

"the fuck alex!" I heard zack yell. I got up andhung my legs over the side of my bunk. "dude. I didn't know it was yours. Calm down." Alex was by the fridge holding his hands up. "the pudding cup had my name on it!"zack said pretending to be sad. "oh. Im sorry zack….. that wasn't me" alex said confused. I put my hand up and confessed. "it was me…. Im sorry zack." I said fake pouting. "oh. Then its okay." Zack shut the fridge and sat down on the couch. "wow man… bros before hoes." Alex said and then I punched him in the arm. "im not a hoe… im your sister." He put his hands up. "last night told me differentlyyyyyyy" he said in a sing song voice. Shit. I don't remember anything from last night. "what did happen?" I looked in the cabinet for tylanol and in the fridge for water…. All I could find was water so I settled with that. My head was pounding though. God. What happened last night. All of a sudden the bus lurched forward causing me to lose my balance. Luckily the table was there for me to hang on too. "nothing sister of mine" he said with a smirk. I shook my head and went into the back lounge to lay down on the couch. Closing my eyes felt really good right about now. Taking sips of my water didn't help so I just downed it. " hung over too?" one eye popped open and found a hung over jack laying down on the floor. "yupp" I said as I rolled over so I was facing him. "why is no one else as miserable as us?" he sighed . "because I went to town on the shots last night" my water bottle hit the rim of the trashcan as I failed my attempt to make it in. my head went back down as I heard jack softly snoring. I looked up at the ceiling and tried to piece together what happened last night. I remember spilling my drink on someone…. I don't remember who. And the next thing that came to mind was me at the bar doing shots. Then alex helped me to the bus and I fell asleep. "jack'' I whispered. "huh?" he groggily propped himself up on his elbow. "do you know what happened last night?" I bit my lip, secretly not wanting to know the answer. " I don't. but alex seemed pretty pissed… he kept glaring at….ahh whats his name… john I think? So something must have went down… go ask alex." He pulled the blanket over his head and rolled over. I guess that is the end to the conversation. A sigh of defeat escaped and I remembered my best friends saying she always reminded me 'if you don't remember. Then it should stay that way.''Only 30 minutes till were at the venue guys." Rian whispered into the back lounge. I nodded and made my way to the bathroom to do my hair,makeup,clothes and such. "Emily come on you take so long." Zack said banging on the door. "you guys wanted me in the first place." I laughed. "but we didn't know you were going to be such a girl!" he groaned. I put all of my stuff in my bag and opened the door. "there you go. But if you haven't realized… I am a girl." He rolled his eyes and I walked into the front room. "hey hey hey my friend." I sat down next to rian. "finally you are out of there. Zack has been putting on a pussy fit." He took a bite out of his lunch and leaned back. "speaking of pussys.. wheres my brother and jack." Rian shrugged his shoulders. "i don't know… I haven't seen alex for like 20 minutes and jack never came out of his coma." He took another bite and I went in search for my brother. I pulled back his curtain and he was sleeping listening to music. I sat on the end of his bunk and brought my knees to my chest. I just sat there and watched him sleep like when we were kids and one of us woke up before the other. We would just wait until we could have another day playing with toys or at the park. I miss those days. I sighed and put my head in between my knees.

" And at night he cries

He screams and he pleads

For one last goodbye

He wants the pain to end

Because he knows it will be endless

He can't get the picture

of her hanging there out of his head." I heard someone sing . I lifted my head up and saw alex sitting up smiling at me. "stop it" I blushed. "its my favorite part. I cant help it" he said and kicked me underneath the covers. "okay but no one needs to hear my song." I said and put my head back between my knees. (my actual song please don't steal it). "you're so weird. " he said stretching and wiping his eyes. "sorry if I want certain things kept to myself." I mumbled. "whatever. You're still weird." He pulled the curtain back and hopped out. I followed him to the front room and rian was still there but now he was watching a movie. "how much longer?" I asked. As if it were answering my question the bus slowly came to a stop. "like magic" I laughed. I ran out the door and took in the new place. This will be pretty exciting. A new place almost every day. New people. Im going to have fun. I walked down the already crowded paths just seeing what there was. "Emily! Wait up." I heard someone call out. I turned around and saw no one else but mr ocallaghan himself. "hey!" I couldn't help but smile when I saw him. Something just made me happy. "I was wondering if you would like someone to wander with." He looked out into the growing sea of people. "sure. I think im going to get lost to be honest." He laughed and pointed out the different booths for me. "oh. Wait right here." He said as we got to their merch table. He went behind the table and got a shirt from the box and came back to where I was. He put a finger to his lips and handed me the shirt. "I should at least pay for it…" I started digging in my wallet but he took it from me. "let me go to a concert with you and it will be enough." He said still holding my wallet. "fine. But which one?" I took my wallet from him and glared at him. "oh I completely forgot I promised kennedy I would watch all time low with him. He says that jack acts strangely like pat." John laughed to himself and I just stood there awkwardly. "he dosent act stangely whereas he acts like a little kid that's high." I said and laughed with john. "oh yeah I forgot that youre alex's sister. How long have you known jack,rian,and zack?" He ran his fingers through his hair and placed his sunglasses in his head. He looked down at me and just laughed. "oh yeah. Right. Umm ive known them ever since they were in the band. They are all really like brothers." I tried my best not to stare at him but he makes it so hard. "haha it seems like I have 4 newer brothers of my own." He laughed. "oh and good job on the show last night. From what I was able to enjoy of it seemed really good." He laughed and I raised my eyebrow…. Was I funny? "you had no idea who we were before yesterday did you." He smiled down at me."to be honest,no. but im glad I got to see what I did."our fingertips slightly touched while we were walking and I pulled my hand away. I didn't want to be rude if he was trying something so I pretended to scrath my arm. "that's okay . but thank you. Im glad you couldn't stay though. It was getting kind of hard to focus with you right below me." I bit my lip and turned away. My god this boy is cute! "but the singer… I still think he had no chance with that girl." I play shoved him and he just stood there with his mouth open and pretended he was hurt. "oh really now?"he said I laughed and kept on walking. "hey lets go to the TWLOHA booth." He caught up with me and we walked together to the booth. "what are they doing this year?" he asked looking around for it. "I think its fears vs. dreams." John found the booth but we had to cross a huge mob of people waiting for autographs or something. Out of nowhere john took my hand and he started running through the crowd yelling "MOVE!". Oddly enough everyone moved and we made it to the booth. John still didn't let go of my hand. I don't think I wanted him to let go either. But he had to let go to write on the boarf. "don't look!" he said like a child. "trust me im not!" they handed me my own board and I quickly wrote down my dream. "To overcome" but I was stuck on the fears….. "whats your biggest fear?" its too broad. I have so many. I finally came up with a good one. "to lose alex". In the corner I wrote 'note' just so it was personal. I took out my camera and gave it to john. "would you like to take my picture?" I said with a smile. "only if youll take mine." He did his smirk and I just nodded. I held up my board and gave a smile for the camera. "beautiful" he said behind the camera. I bit my lip and looked down. "now let me take one of you!" I said as he handed me the camera. I finally got to see what his board said. Biggest fear: I wont go on another date with you greatest dream: headline a tour. I smiled from behind the camera and said "2,3,4,1" and took the picture. "see what I did there." And I scrunched my nose. "trying to copy me now are you" I stuck my tounge out and we walked away from the booth. "what time is it?" he asked me. I looked down at my phone. "5:30"I said and he just nodded. "perfect. Well we better make it quick to see your brother then, kennedy told us to meet him stage right near the front." We both walked to the stage making small talk. The place was packed… "wait, ill find a way to get us to the front. Come with me." I took johns hand as we squeezed our way to the pathway that leads to backstage. "I found kennedy." John yelled over screaming fans. We got kennedys attention and we fought our way to him and made our way to the barrier, "since im a pussy I brought earplugs." After I put mine in I handed the case to the boys and they each took a pair. "hey guys. Were all time low. And we are going to start this show off pretty dirty" alex said getting the crowd pumped. "alex I want to see you naked." Jack said all sereious. "later bro. not the time and place." Alex said laughing. "but I need to see you." Alex whimpered. "I promise.. later. But right now we need everyone of you getting crazy out there!" alex said to start the show. "I want kissing and making out and all that shit. Because I cant see alex naked right now okay?" the crowd went wild and responded to what jack said. "this songs a party song. SO FUCKING PARTY" alex then started off the set. John put his arm around my waist and pulled my closer. I looked up and made eye contact with my brother. There was something in his eyes. A disapproving look? Shit! What do I think im doing. I cant do this anymore. My heart beat was getting faster. Im sorry tom I let you down. Im sorry alex. Im just sorry I am even here. Tear were filling my eyes and I had to find a way out of the crowd. I started walking to where we walked in. "Emily!" john yelled and he grabbed my hand. "im sorry" I mouthed. I pulled my hand from his and pushed my way out. i ripped the earplugs out and started to the bus. Tears were blurring my vision and kept tripping me. Then there was someone pulling me back. "let me go john!" I screamed and fought my way out of his grasp. "whats wrong?" he said. I turned around and he didn't look pissed. Just confused. "I cant be here right now." I said fighting back tears. "at least tell me where youre going. I can come with you." He pleaded. "no john. You don't get it. I cant be here. With you." I pulled out of his grasp again. " im sorry." I said barley able to breathe. I turned around and made my way to the bus. I pulled open the door and ran to the bathroom. I feel like I need to throw up. I just need to get these bad feelings out. I just need to make everything better but I just don't know how. I thought of johns board for the fears vs. dreams….. "no." I gasped. My knees went weak and I had to keep myself up on the sink. His greatest fear. "wont go on another date with you" even though it was probably him trying to pick me up… it still feels horrible knowing you made a persons greatest fear come true. I sank to the floor and just let the tears come out. Ive disappointed my brother,my other brother,and the guy I could have potentially had a second date with all in the same 10 minutes. Im not a fuck up… not at all. I crawled to the nearest bunk. Jacks. I crawled in and just laid there. I didn't want to think about anything except for that I was in jacks bed and playing with his blanket. That's all I wanted to do. I didn't want to apologise to john. I didn't want to say sorry to alex. And I didn't want to think about tom. I didn't stop the tears before I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex's pov.~~

"Dude… what happened?'' Rian asked as we got off stage. "Nothing. I just need to get to the bus. Now." I responded. I told her. Don't go for anyone on tour. That fucking O'Callaghan thinks he is just going to use her…. I mean that's what he does with every girl he meets. "Alex, calm down bro." jack said. I realized my hands were balled into fists. "Can I just go? I need to sort things out." I asked jack. "Sure. I'll just say you got sick or something. Just don't do anything stupid." He said. You could tell in his eyes he was actually concerned. Was I really that worked up? I shook my head and started towards the bus. "Hey Alex." I saw Mr. fucking john come toward me. He really has the nerve to come up to me? "what." I spit with as much venom I could. "Emily ran off to the bus for some reason. Can you please get her to come out? I need to talk to her." He was just standing there. He must be pretty fucked up to be asking me this right now. I shoved my way passed him and opened the door to the bus. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry" I just heard her saying that over and over. I looked in her bunk and I couldn't find her. What the fuck? Where could she be? "ALEX" I heard her scream. I turned around and found her in jacks bunk. She was sleeping? I thought she would've at least woken herself up by screaming. I squeezed into the bunk with her and tried to wake her up. "Emily. Wake up its Alex." I said normally. "Come back Alex. I'm sorry." She said still sleeping. I shook her leg and her eyes fluttered open. She looked so scared. "Alex?" she said wiping her eyes. Jacks pillow was completely soaked. She looked up and saw me. "Why are you crying? Did he do anything to you!" my anger flooded back. "No he didn't. I did" she looked down. She couldn't even look at me. "Emily. Why are you crying then?" I calmed down and scooted closer to her. "Because I disappointed you, tom, and then-" "don't say his name." I cut her off. The venom in my voice surprised her and she looked up. "Look Emily. You didn't disappoint me. And you didn't disappoint tom. It just makes my blood boil when I saw him put his arm around you." I wiped the tears off of her face and she tried to bite my hand. "I'm glad to see that you're acting like yourself." I said laughing. She held out her arms for a hug. "Come here you weirdo." I said and gave her the tightest hug I could without killing her. "Alex. Is there another party tonight? I think I want to do some beer pong." She laughed. "We are so alike it scares me." I got out of the bunk and found jack in the front room watching cartoons. "What's going on?" he asked. "It's all worked out." I said and sat down beside him. Matt came onto the bus. "Boys you have a quick little interview in 10 min. it's for buzznet" he said and walked out. Why do they never interview zack and Rian?" Emily asked sitting on the other side of the room. "Because were jalex and we exist." Jack said and cuddled up with me. "Sure it does. " I said. Then matt came in with the interviewer. "Hi I'm Christi." She said shaking our hands. Emily got up and offered her seat to Christi then started walking out. "Can my sister be in it too?" I asked. "But I'm not in the band." She said laughing. "Then just sit here. I want my sissy to be here." I patted right next to me and she looked at Christi if it was okay. "Fine by me." She said. Emily came and sat next to me. I put my arm around her and jack. "Okay so anyone on tour you want to give a shout out to so far?" she asked. "I don't really know. Everyone on tour is doing really well." I said. "I want to say that you should see all time low play. Because they are fucking amazing" jack said. Christi laughed. "So I have some viewer questions… abbygirl1334 says 'who's the girl sitting by Alex' care to sum that up." Christi asked Emily. "She's the stripper." Jack said. We all were cracking up laughing. "No but really I'm Alex's sister. I secretly hate him though. I mean he's a bigger douchebag than zack." She said glaring at me. "I love you too Emily." I messed up her hair and Christi continued. "Another fan question. Jagklove332 says 'anyone on tour you find attractive?' ouu this should be good." "I think jacks pretty hot." I said. "I think Alex is adorable." Jack said. "Awwwh isn't that cute" Emily added. "How about you Emily? All of these cute band guys. There must be one you find cute." Christi asked. Emily tensed up. "Umm I can't really say. Me and jack are engaged." She said nervously. "Yeah she said yes and I gave her a bite of my burrito. Were in love guys. Sorry Alex. I like the other gaskarth." Jack said. I pretend slapped him and pretended to cry. "Ouu drama in all time low? Now another question. Any secret talents?" Christi said. "Jack just pretends to play badly" I said. "Alex is talented at picking up little kids." Jack responded. "How about you?" Christi asked Emily. I could tell Emily didn't really want to be here. "She writes songs." I said. Shit. I looked over at Emily and she went red. "Is that right? So is she the mastermind of all time low?" Christi said. "no. I'm not. It's just a past time. They aren't really that good anyways." Emily said trying to drop the subject. "She helped write one of my favorite songs." I said. I'm not letting this drop. It's her chance. "Which one is that?" Christi asked. "Lullabies" Emily mumbled. "She wrote most of lullabies. She and I both came together for it." I said. "I was unaware my wife did this" jack said. Christi laughed and Emily kept staring off into the distance. The rest of the interview went by fast. Emily was going to kill me but oh well. Once Christi left Emily threw my hand off of her. "What the fuck Alex!" she said. I was ready for her to hit me. That was how mad she was. "I don't want to take all of the credit for lullabies. He was OUR brother. We BOTH wrote that song. You should get credit." I said trying to calm her down. "You promised me. You PROMISED me Alex. I thought you understood why. I thought you were the only one that knew how much I wanted to keep it hidden." She said. She was on the verge of tears. "I'm doing what's best for you Emily!" I yelled. I know I have never rose my voice at her but she was so stubborn. "What's best for me is what I chose. Now they will say. 'She's the gaskarth that writes songs. She's just like her brother.' I liked being known as the other gaskarth. I want to be known for something other than music. I want to be me. I thought that out of everyone on this earth you would understand." She said getting up. "Emily YOU don't understand. I was helping you. You will still be you. You still are making your own choices. So what if people know you write songs. You're really really good Emily." I tried to make her see it was a good thing. "But I'll be me because of you! Not because I fought my way! People only know because of you! Next time keep your mouth shut!" she yelled at me. With that she ran off the bus. I ran out after her. "Emily come back." I yelled. "FUCK YOU ALEX" she screamed and kept walking off. I just walked onto the bus and screamed. "Whoa." Jack said. I completely forgot he was there. "Sorry. It's just that she pisses me off so much. She has so much talent. Her songs actually have a deep meaning behind them. And she just sits down and writes for 30 minutes and a song is done. She's even better than me. But she doesn't want her chance. She doesn't want to let people know how wonderful she is. It just doesn't make sense!" I said punching the couch. "Do you want me to go get her?" Jack asked. "No. just let her be." I put my head in my hands and just sat there. Why can't she see how good she is?

Emily's pov~~

"FUCK YOU ALEX" I screamed. I turned off my phone. I didn't want him to call me. I can't believe him. He even promised. I guess promises don't mean anything, even if they are from someone you love. I thought I knew him you know? I thought I knew who my own brother was. Even the sweetest rose has their thorns. I looked around and didn't know where I was. My heartbeat quickened. Great now I'm lost. I turned on my phone for the time. 8:30. Whoa. The day went by so fast. Well tomorrow is our day off. But we have hotel check in at 9….. Fuck. I have to get back. I looked in my wallet and found cash in it. Good ill just call a cab. I walked across the street to the diner. "Hello, may I have a number for a cab service?" I asked. The lady gave me a phone book and continued on with her work. "thanks." I said and found the number. Fuck… what was the name of the venue? ... Shit. "Emily is that you?" I turned around. "Rian! Zack! Oh my god. I'm so glad you guys are here." I ran over to their booth and sat down. "Why are you here?" zack asked. "I had a fight with Alex and I just ran. That's how I got here. I was going to call a cab but I didn't remember where the venue was." I said gathering my breath. "Well we were just about to leave. Hotel check in and all. Come with us." Rian said getting out of the booth. "Gladly" I said walking with them out of the diner. "How'd you guys get here?" I asked. "We walked…. It's not that far." Rian said laughing. "Well then." I said as we crossed the street. "So what was the fight about?" Zack said after an awkward silence. "I really don't think I can say without crying." I said getting choked up. "Well there are shoulders to cry on." Rian said smiling at me." Fine. So there was an interview with buzznet right. And Alex told me to sit in on it. I was fine with it. But then the lady asked if there were any secret talents. Alex said I was really good at songwriting and let out that I helped write lullabies." I stopped there holding back tears. "We promised when you guys got sort of big that he would tell no one that I wrote and sang music. I didn't want a life that I might have because of him. I wanted to fight my way you know? I wanted to make my name. Not have someone give me a push and say 'you have everything set up for you. There you go.' I just want to make my own decisions. But not even my own brother can be truthful to me. The person that meant the most to me still stabbed me in the back." I said only shedding a single tear. "You need to talk to him Emily. You guys need to work this out. He is still your brother. He doesn't think before he acts. He thinks he knows what's best. But you need to make things right." Zack said. "For douchebag of the week you sure know how to make people feel better." I said putting my arms around both of them. We got to the busses and I saw jack pacing outside our bus. "Jack. What's wrong?" I asked. He looked up and a huge smile came across his face. "Emily. I thought you were dead! Never ever leave like that again. Okay?" he said hugging me. "I'm sorry. But I couldn't be in there with him." I said looking at the bus. "Alex has been freaking out. You were gone for like an hour. "Jack said. "I was 15 minutes away." I said confused. "Well you must have been walking around for longer than that. God you scared me. I was about to go looking for you." He said. "Well I'm going to go get my stuff all in my bag for hotel check in." I said walking to the bus. I opened the door and found the bus trashed. "Whoa. What happened?" I asked. "I told you. He was freaking out." jack said cleaning things up. "Emily?" I saw Alex come from the bathroom. His eyes were so red. He even managed to pop some blood vessels. He looked horrible. "Alex? What did you do to yourself?" I said running over to him. Even though I may hate him right now he was still my brother. "Where did you go? I thought you were dead. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?" he said checking me over. "Alex I'm fine. But you look like you're dead." I said. He was so pale. "I told you. I thought you were dead. I was freaking out. You didn't answer your phone. You never not answer your phone." He said almost crying. "Alex I'm fine." I said turning to clean with jack. He had no right to cry. He was the reason I left. Alex caught my elbow and turned me around. "Emily. I'm sorry. I really am. I should've kept my promise." He said as he just held me against him. "Don't ever leave like that again. I thought you were gone. It seems horrible to say but that's what it took for me to realize that all of this is stupid. I was stupid. I never want to hurt you. I have to stop being a second dad. You're all grown up. I forget that sometimes. I really do. So from now on you can make your own decisions. I won't hold you back." He just rested his chin on the top of my head as I hugged him. "Thank you Alex." I said. "Go be Emily Rae Fucking Gaskarth. The girl who is independent and has a horrible brother." He whispered. I laughed and pulled away. "You go be Alex William Gaskarth. The rock star who gets all the bitches and has a wonderful sister." He laughed and went into the bathroom again. "Fuck. I do look horrible." He said. "I'll teach you the inventions of makeup." I said laughing. "Alex is a tranny!" jack said. "I can see the headlines now." Rian said as he got waters for him and zack. "Okay guys. We're heading off to the hotel for check-in." matt said he got on the bus. "What happened?" he asked. "Nothing… was getting it cleaned up." Zack said helping out. With that the bus roared alive and we started out to the hotel. "So everything worked out?" Zack said to me. "Yeah. Thanks again." I said and I gave him a hug. His phone started ringing and he went into the next room to answer it. I don't know who it was but by his huge smile he had when he answered ….. It's something I'm going to torture out of him later. But for now I'm going to lie down on the couch and listen to music. I put my headphones in and put my 'erqgnvwqengvia' playlist on shuffle. I didn't have a proper name at the time so I just put in random letters. "Everything's an illusion" by mayday parade was the first one that played and I closed my eyes and softly sang the lyrics. It's one of my favorite songs. The emotion the vocals just make it seem so personal. Jack finally stopped cleaning and sat down on the couch. I put my legs on his lap and pulled out an ear bud. "What are you listening to?" he asked. "Mayday parade." I said still singing. All of a sudden jack screamed. "Shut up jack. Stop screaming randomly." I laughed. "Well I do have a question." I raised an eyebrow. "What is it?" I asked. Jack started playing with my toes. "Never mind." He said. "Jack come on. Just ask me." I said. "Why don't you like singing in front of people." He was still looking down. "Because people compare me to Alex. I still do sing in front of people. But only where no one knows me. Then I say that my name is Emily Rae. And people think of me singing. Not 'oh she isn't as good as her brother'. That's why I went so far away to college. I needed to start over." I said pausing my music. There wasn't a way that I was going to keep a conversation and actually listen to the music at the same time. "oh. Well I wanted to say you're really good. "He finally looked up. "Jack. What's wrong?" I asked. He wasn't usually this calm. "Nothing's wrong. I just didn't know if it was a sensitive subject or anything." I propped myself up on my elbows. "Jack barakat. You can always talk to me. About anything." I said with a smile. "Then can I see them. The songs I mean." He said with a smirk. Why did I say anything? "One day." I said and switched positions where my head was on a pillow on his lap and not my feet. "Well why can't today be the day?" he asked fake pouting. "Because I don't want to get up and get my computer. "I groaned. "So they are on your computer?" he smiled. He got up and went to my bunk. "Ha-ha- I found it." He said as he brought out my computer. "But you don't know the password." I smirked. "Open it for me please!" he whined and he gave me the computer. I typed in the password and opened up the "songs" folder. "Pick one out of 120." I said and gave him the computer. "ALEX!" jack yelled. "WHAT!" he responded from his bunk? "WHICH OF EMILY'S SONGS IS THE BEST?" jack yelled. "TOMORROW IS THE BEST. NOW SHUT UP." Alex yelled. He typed in 'tomorrow' and opened the document. He handed me the computer. "Okay. Now sing wait one second." He said as he got up and left the room. "Where are you going?" I asked. He came back with an acoustic guitar case. "Jack. I can't play." I admitted. "Okay. So we will get you lessons but this was your 'welcome to the tour' present. We all signed it." He opened the case and I saw it. It was beautiful. Jack put it on his leg and strummed a few notes. "Okay now sing." I cleared my throat, closed my eyes and started to sing. I could hear jack softly strumming some notes. I opened my eyes as I got more comfortable. I took the computer off of my lap and stood up. I could only hit the high notes standing up. I stood facing jack who was still strumming. I stopped when I heard three people clapping. I turned around and saw Alex, Rian, and zack all standing there. "Congrats jack. You made her sing." Rian said walking over to me. The bus stopped and the engine died. Finally we were at the hotel. I got my suitcases and we walked out the bus. I stopped and I saw the hotel. It was huge! I followed the boys in and we checked in."Emily. Sorry but you have a room by yourself." Matt said as he handed me the key. "Sorry? I wouldn't want to share a room with one of those pigs!" I said and Alex turned around and glared at me. I put my headphones back in and waited in line for the elevator. A group of girls found the band and they took up their time. I turned around to go into the elevator and I ran into someone. "I'm so sorry." I said as I picked up their bags. I saw a black M in a circle and I bit my lip. Oh no. this will be awkward. I handed them back their bags and walked inside the elevator. "Oh hey Emily" john said. "hi." I replied. I pressed my floor button and he pressed every button. "What?" I said looking at him. "Look Emily. I want to know why you had to leave." He said to me. "Because ….. The reason doesn't exist anymore I guess I could say." I said nervously. I was never good at explaining things. John took a step towards me and touched his fingertips to mine. "So if I asked you out tonight. What would you say?" he said softly. I looked up at him. "I would say-"the elevator opened and an out of breath all time low appeared. I quickly stepped away from john. "What is going on guys?" I asked and cleared my throat. "Fan girls. They chased us." Rian said. The door started to close when john stuck his hand out and ripped his bags from the elevator and stormed off. "What's his problem?" Alex said defensively. "I don't know." I said and the door closed. "What floor are you guys on?" I asked. "8th." Alex said. "9th" I winked at Alex and he glared again. "Sister is always better." I said in a sing song voice. "You wish." Alex said. "GUYS STOP FIGHTING BECAUSE WE ARE GOING TO PARTY." Jack screamed. "Jack I thought I told you to stop screaming." I said in a motherly voice. The door opened to let the boys out and I was alone. I looked down and I found a wallet. I looked inside and who else's green eyes on an Arizona driver's license in staring at me. I rolled my eyes and put it in my back pocket. But I couldn't help but feel a tiny smile creep across my lips.

I would get to see him again.


	5. Chapter 5

I got out of the elevator with johns wallet in my back pocket. I don't know why but I can't wait to see him. I opened my hotel room door and saw the beige boring room.

~Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around, it's like a piece of me is missing. I could have learned so much from you but what's left now? Don't you realize you shot this family a world of pain? Can't you see there should have been a happy ending we let go? ~

My ringtone for Alex was going off. "hello." I answered unpacking my stuff. "Get ready in 15 minutes. A lot of the bands are going out." Alex said and hung up the phone. I bit my lip and smiled. Maybe tonight will be the next time a see hm. I got a cute top and a kind of short skirt. Not one that shows everything but just enough not to look like a slut. I didn't straighten my hair though. I just put mousse in it and pinned my bangs back. My makeup I went simple. I don't like heavy makeup. My ringtone went off again. "I'm coming!" I said and hung up. I put john's wallet in my purse and left to the elevator. The elevator opened and no one was in it. I pressed lobby and it started to go down. The door opened a floor below me and 4 members of the Maine walked in. "where's john?" I asked. "Uhhh…. Who are you?" the drummer asked. "Oh. I'm Emily gaskarth. John and I met two days ago." I said probably sounding like a stalker. "Ohhhh your Emily. Well I'm garret, that's Kennedy, pat, and jared." Garret said pointing everyone out. I waved and they smiled. "Oh and john can't come. He lost his wallet." Kennedy said. "Well that's why I was wondering. He left it in the elevator earlier. I was going to return it to him." I said pulling it out of my purse. "Oh. Well then I'll call him and tell him to come." Jared said. He pulled out his phone and called john. The elevator door opened and we were at the lobby. I saw my brother and his friends by the door looking impatient. "Finally! You take so long!" Alex said as I walked towards them. "Well don't you look pretty." zack said. "Why thank you zack." I said blushing. "Okay so where are we going?" I asked. There was a line of cabs…..there must be a lot of people going. We started walking out when I saw that Kennedy, pat, Garrett, and Jared weren't coming with. "What's up you guys?" I asked. "We're going to wait for john." Pat said. "Mind if I wait too? They are only fitting two people per cab and I don't want to ride by myself." I said. "Sure why not. The more the merrier." Kennedy said. In about 5 minutes john came walking out of the elevator. My heart skipped a beat. He was so cute. He had on skinny jeans and a v neck with a denim jacket and his black lace-up boots. I got his wallet out of my purse and he did his half smile. "Looking for this?" I said. "Thanks. Now I can have fun tonight." He said. When he grabbed my wallet our fingers touched and it was like electricity. "So let's go guys." John said and we started walking out. I was going towards one of the cabs but john pulled my hand and got into another one. "You're coming with me." He said with a smile. "And why is that?" I said getting in. "because you never answered my question." He said looking into my eyes. "Let's see how tonight goes. And then you can take me on a proper date. Or can the big bad rock star not handle a challenge?" I said and he smirked. "I like a challenge." He said as he leaned in. "game on rock star." I whispered as I dodged his attempt. He let his head fall and just laughed. "Emily Rae gaskarth. You just might be the death of me." He said as he got back up. "Oh don't say that. You'll manage. After all you like a challenge, don't you?" I smirked. "I regret saying it already." He joked. The cab stopped and I handed the driver money. "Let the games begin." I said as I winked to john. We got out of the cab and I saw Alex and them in line. "Hey guys. Come with me." We got in line by Alex and them, then zack and john put their arms around me. "Id's please." We all got our ids out. "Okay. You two and the girl. But you all have to wait. "But they're my friends. They all just got done doing concerts at warped tour." I smiled at him. "Sorry but it's crowded. "Please." I batted my eyelashes and smiled at him. "Fine. You guys can go." We all walked into the packed club. "Wow. How'd you do that!" zack said. "Boobs. Boobs are the key." I said as I walked off to the bar. I ordered my drink and Rian came and sat by me. "So you and O'Callaghan huh?" he said smiling. I blushed. "No. not me and O'Callaghan." I said nudging his shoulder. "Oh then you didn't purposely chose him first to get into the club?" he teased. "He's hot okay. I don't know. If he behaves tonight then I said he could take me on a proper date." I said taking a sip of my martini. "Oh you're really taking the reins. Taking control of your man! You should be in Cosmo." He said laughing. "Give me your man card. You know what Cosmo is" I said rolling my eyes. "No. because Cassade reads it. And I'm going to go dance. So join me if you want." I paid for my drink and followed him to the dance floor. We found jack dancing like a complete idiot and Alex dancing with some random girl. Typical Alex. I started dancing with jack to some music that didn't even have words really. More like dub step. "Hey hey hey guys. I heard we have some special guests in the house tonight. A band called all time low? So dance to their song "a part song." Then the whole club cheered. The song started playing and jack and I sang our hearts out. People were dancing with everyone and singing. It felt like one of those high school parties. I smiled and kept dancing. The song ended and everyone cheered. I kept dancing for until I got tired. I went back to the bar and ordered another drink. "I can't believe they played our song. That feels so cool." Zack said. I laughed and took a sip of my drink. "So what have you been doing tonight?" he asked. "Dancing. Drinking. That's pretty much it." I laughed. I looked at my phone. It was already 11:30. We've been here for two hours. "I'm happy you came on tour with us. Alex is actually showing some self-control tonight." he laughed. "I'm glad. He doesn't need a different girl every night." I said finishing my drink. "Ready for round two?" he asked. "yep." I smiled and we walked out to the dancefloor.i turned around to face zack and my heart dropped. Some girl was all over john on the dance floor. They were making out and basically fucking right there. I blinked but I couldn't get the image out of my head. I walked past them to the exit. John saw me and came after me. "Emily wait! It wasn't what it looks like" he yelled over the music. "Oh so she wasn't just some slut you were hooking up with in the dance floor?" I said. "I can explain." He said. I rolled my eyes. "No. let me explain. You are just some kid in a band that thinks he is so cool and does whatever he wants. You can't handle a challenge. You're weak. So you go for the drunken whores. You use girls and forget about them. I'm not going to stand here and be one of those girls. So forget about the date. I'm not going to be there." I said and walked off. "You basically just described your brother you know that right" he screamed. I turned around. He did not just say that. I went back to him. "What makes you think you are anything like my brother?" I said glaring. He laughed. "Everyone knows he gets with another girl every night. Sorry kid. We get the chance, we take it." He said cockily. Looking me up and down. "You don't know anything. So I advise you shut your fucking mouth before this gets ugly. I wouldn't want to mess up that slutty little face of yours" I threatened. "Whatever." He rolled his eyes and I saw Alex come out. "What the fuck is going on?" he said. He's eyes were wild. His hands were clenched into fists. "Just telling your sister that you're a little man slut just like me." John said. "Alex. I'm leaving." I said walking away. "Alex. I meant you better come with me." I said and he glared at john and walked away with me. "What did he say to you?" He said with venom filling every letter. "He said that you were a man slut basically. He implied I was just another girl. I dot care. I'm going home." I said as I hopped inside of a cab. Alex came with me fuming. "Just calm down Alex. It's okay. He was just being a douchbag." I said to him. "He had no right to say that to you. You aren't like every other girl Emily. He needs to be knocked off of his pedestal. "He calmed down. I told the cab driver where to go and we started to the hotel. "I just don't want anything to do to him." I said looking out the window. I can't believe I was lying like this. I hurt so much to see him with that girl. I wanted to just kiss him when said he could explain. One of those frustrated 'I just want to love you' kisses full of passion. But that got fucked up pretty quick. I looked over at Alex who was texting someone. I sighed and put my head on his shoulder. "Alex. I'm confused." I said. I couldn't look at him. I know he was going to kill me. "About what? "He asked. "How can you still like someone after they have done so much shit to you?" I said looking down. "I think I know who you are talking about." He said. You could tell he was pissed. "I don't know why... but I still feel like… I don't know. Just attracted to him." I said throwing my head back. I shut my eyes because I could feel his eyes burning into me. "You'll get over him." He spat out. I cringed. That's what I'm worried about. We were silent the rest of the cab ride. "I'm going to bed." He said. "Alex what's wrong?" I said obviously he was really pissed. "You! You still want him after he said .that. Look past his looks Emily. Stop being so fake." He said and walked off. It felt like someone shot me. I could hardly breathe. I would expect some random person to say that but not my brother. The one that was with me through everything. The person that knocked the bottle of pills out of my hand. The one that was supposed to make everything okay. I walked out of the hotel. A cab honked his horn at me as I walked through his path. I just kept walking. Tears were clouding my vision. "Emily its okay" I heard someone say. I looked around. No one was there. "Come with me like you planned." The same voice whispered. I heard footsteps behind me. I looked back and saw someone there. The tears blurred my view. I tried to run away from the man. I saw a busy mall across the street and ran for it. "EMILY STOP!" I heard someone say. I stopped and turned around. But headlights flooded my vision and I felt myself being thrown back.

Johns pod~~

I got out of my cab and I saw Emily almost get ran over by the cab. She started walking off crying. Something was wrong. I know we were on bad terms and she hated me right now but after she left I couldn't stop cursing at myself. I was so stupid. I don't know why I said all of those lies. She wasn't like every other girl... she is so much more. She challenges me and I want to give that a shot. She looked back and started running away. Before I could stop her she ran out into the busy street. I couldn't help but stare. It felt like I got hit too. I pulled out my phone and called 911. I couldn't even think straight. I sat down crying. I couldn't go over there and see if she was okay. Because if she wasn't I don't know what I would do. Soon enough the flashing lights appeared. The ambulance came in what seemed like hours. I ran up to the paramedics putting her in the ambulance. "Let me go with her. I'm her best friend." I lied. They let me in and we started driving to the hospital. There was so much blood. I put my head in my hands. What the fuck have I done? If I didn't mess things up with Emily she would've never gone home. She would've been either safe at the club or safe in her room. But no. because of me she is in the back of an ambulance hanging onto her life. I looked up and her heart was beeping on the monitor. It didn't stay at one pace for long. I reached over and held her hand. It felt so cold but I knew she was alive. The monitor was that only thing that showed signs of life. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I was such a jerk Emily. Just don't leave me. It's not your time." I said holding back tears. I kissed her hand and just let the tears flow. She can't die. She can't leave now. There is so much I haven't gotten to say. She hasn't even lived her life yet. The time seemed like it was going by so slow. Why can't we just get there already? I looked out the window and saw the hospital in the view. The ambulance came to a stop and they got her into the hospital. The nurse told me to wait in the waiting room and she started asking me all of these questions about Emily. "I don't know!" I was freaking out. "Do you know anyone who does?" she said calmly. "Yes. One sec." I pulled out my phone and called jarred. "Hello?" he said half asleep. "Jarred. I need you to get to Alex's room. Tell him to get to hospital, and quick. Emily… she. She got hit by a car. Just hurry." I said crying. "I'm going right now." He said panicking. He didn't hang-up. He just stayed on the line with media could hear him banging on a door. "Alex. John needs you to go down to st. Matthews hospital. Emily got hit by a car or something. Just hurry!" jarred said urgently. "You better be pulling one sick joke." Alex said angrily. "I'm not. I'm on the phone with john right now. "I'm coming right now." I heard Alex on the line. With that the line went dead and all I could do is wait. Wait for either the doctor to come out or Alex to walk through the door. I got a call from pat."Hello?" I said. "John we heard what happened. Are you okay?" he asked. "I don't know dude to be honest. I'm just so scared. I-I can't lose her. There is so much that hasn't been said." I said forcing back tears. I didn't want to cry anymore. "Everyone's coming john. Alex left like 10 minutes ago and we are leaving now." He said. Alex walked in panicking. "Hey I got to go. Alex just came in." I hung up and Alex found me. "What the fuck happened O'Callaghan." He said through a clenched jaw. "She was running from the hotel and she was crying. I was going to go help her. She was trying to go across the street… I screamed for her to stop…. But she didn't have enough time….." I sat back down and put my head in my hands. I couldn't cry. This isn't like me. Alex sat next to me. "It's not your fault. Its mine." He said softly. "No. if I wasn't being stupid then she would've never gone back early." I said to him. "No. I got into a fight with her and said things I shouldn't. It could've happened no matter what time she went home." He sounded so … empty. "Do you think she'll be okay?" His voiced cracked and his eyes were red. "I don't know. She can't leave." I said. I heard Alex laughing. "If this didn't happen then do you think you would even care about her?" he looked furious now. "Yes. I would. I was coming back to the hotel for her." I said the last part softly. The guys all came in. "Alex we came as soon as we heard" jack said to Alex. My friends tried to talk to me but I couldn't keep up a conversation. I took off my jacket and used it as a makeshift pillow. I was dead tired. The adrenaline wore off and I crashed.

~awhile later~

I woke up to garret shaking me awake. I sprung up. "Wha-what I'm up." "Emily is able to have visitors." Garrett said quietly. "Dude. What time is it?" I asked rubbing my eyes. "It's 5 in the morning." He said and rested his head back down. Alex came back from a hallway smiling. I got up and went over to him. "How is she? Can I go talk to her?" I asked. "Yeah you can go talk to her. But make it quick. She needs to get some rest. She is the 5th door on the right." He said and walked back to the waiting room. I smiled and ran to the door. I softly knocked on the door. "Come in." I heard he weakly say. I walked in and she froze. "wh-wha-why are you here?" she asked defensively. "Emily. I was the one following you. My cab almost hit you when you ran away crying from the hotel. So I followed you to make sure you were okay. But then-" "I remember. So what were you going to say? Oh I'm so sorry Emily. Forgive me, blah blah blah?" she cut me off. I walked over and sat down on her bed. I took my sunglasses off and her eyes widened. "John….. Have you been crying?" she asked. "Emily. I watched everything happen. I was by your side through everything. The one thing that I kept thinking over and over was 'she can't die without knowing…..knowing that I care for her. 'I regret being such a dick. Because I didn't mean a word I said at the club." I said looking into her eyes for every word. She was silent. "You were right by the way. I am weak. I can't take a challenge. Then you came along and I knew. I knew that you weren't like the other girls. You brought out the john I haven't seen in a long time. The one that knew how to have fun without taking clothes off. The one that can actually care for a person." I held her hand and she smiled. I crawled up next to her and laid on my side so I was facing her. "I'm sorry." She said as the smile disappeared. I moved her bangs out of her face. "About what?" I asked her. "For running away." She said softly. Her eyelids were starting to get heavy. I lifted her chin so she was looking into my eyes. "You shouldn't be sorry Emily. It wasn't your fault." I said as I furrowed my brow. She smiled and intertwined our fingers. "I really like you Emily.'' I whispered. "I really like you too." She said with her eyes closed. She must be really tired. "I'm going to let you sleep okay." I said as I moved to get out of the bed. "stay." She said softly. I moved back and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight Emily." I said as I watched her sleep. She looked so peaceful but she was covered in bruises. I looked down her arm and I felt so horrible. "Emily. I know you're sleeping but I don't know if I could say this while you are awake. I promise that for as long as I know you. Whether you hate me or love me. I will protect you. I never want to hurt you again. But most importantly I will never let you be in danger. I know I haven't known you long but I feel like I've known you longer than I've known myself. After almost losing you like this. I was a wreck. Being in the same bed with you. Just watching you sleep just feels right. I feel like I never want this to end. Emily, I think I may actually love you." I said softly. I didn't want to wake her up. She smiled and moved closer to me. When I said I may actually love her I heard her heartbeat quicken. I smiled and shut my eyes I was with Emily right now and that's all that mattered.


	6. Chapter 6

Emily's pov~

I woke up to whispering. "Oh okay tell her ill be in the waiting room with everyone else." I was guessing that was john. I fluttered my eyes open and saw the back of johns V-neck and skinny jeans walk out of the room. I hear the beeping on the monitor quicken. I blushed and john took two steps back and poked into the room. He looked really worried. "John I'm fine." I laughed. He smiled and the beeping quickened. He smiled even bigger and laughed. "Leave!" I laughed. He was laughing all the way down the hallway.

"He slept in here all night. Not much boyfriends do that." She smiled while doing something with the tubes. "Oh. He isn't my boyfriend. We haven't even been on a date yet." I blushed and looked down. "That doesn't mean anything child! When you're with the right person every second can feel like a whole hour that you spent on a date. He really cares about you. If you want my advice, don't let go of him." This was the first I noticed her southern accent. "I wasn't planning on it." I said smiling.

With that the doctor came in with Alex. "Okay. So when you came in you were pretty beat up. You came out very lucky with a fractured leg and nothing else. The car stomping on the brakes and swerving saved your life. You will probably be in the hospital for today while we get all of the paper work done. That cast though it has to say on for 3 weeks." I looked under the covers and saw a cast on my leg. How did I not notice that before? Alex ran up to me and hugged me.

"I love you." He said crying. "Alex. Why are you crying?" I said. Everything was okay. Did he still feel like it was his fault? "Because I almost lost you. I don't know what I would've done without you Emily.'' He brushed hair behind my ear. I smiled and asked Alex to bring me my phone. "Woah.125 new messages." He said as he handed it to me. I looked through them all and they were from different members of the bands on warped tour.

"Hey Emily its Christopher drew from never shout never. Jack told me what happened. Pull though okay. It's not time for my biggest fan to leave." He said laughing over a voicemail. I wanted to scream so badly but I didn't. Alex looked at me questioningly "what?" he laughed. "Christopher. Drew. Called. Me." I said smiling from ear to ear. Alex laughed. "Hey I'm going to go see if they can let you out earlier. With us being on tour and all." Alex hugged me and then left. I decided to call Christopher back and thank him.

"Hello?" he said. "Oh hi Chris. It's Emily." I said. I couldn't freak out. He is just a person. "Oh hi Emily. How is everything going?" he asked. "Everything is good. I have a fractured leg but I will be back on tour today. Thanks for the call it really meant a lot." I said smiling. "No problem. Everyone here was so worried. And that's good that you will be back so soon." He said. "Oh, well that's sweet that everyone was worried. Hey I got to go. I think I'm getting out of here." I said as Alex walked in smiling. "Guess who gets to leave?" he said. "Okay. So I just had a conversation with Christopher drew...kinda. Well I talked to him." I said smiling. Alex gave me a bag that had clothes in it and left me to change. It was hard, I had to admit but I guess I'll to get used to shorts and sweats for a while.

I got myself into the wheelchair and wheeled myself out to Alex. I found him and jack about to do a wheelchair race. "Boys. Come on. Let's not get kicked out of a hospital. The nurse came up to me and handed me my purse. "Remember. Don't let him go." She said lifting my chin. "I won't." I gave her a tight hug and she sighed. "You were probably my favorite patient. You made me happy in such a sad place. And it didn't hurt that you brought 9 hot guys in with you." She smiled and walked away. She was about 25-26 with long blonde hair and a nice figure. I saw Alex staring off into her direction.

"Alex…. What's up?" I said laughing. "That's….your nurse?" he said still staring. "Let's go.'' I laughed. Alex wheeled me to the car and we drove to the busses. Zack was there to physically lift me up and bring me into the bus and put me on the couch. Rian set my crutches down next to me. I couldn't help but smile. It felt like I had a family. No matter what stupid shit I did, they would always be there for me. But before I could hold onto that jack came running in with a sharpie.

"Don't move." He said. I did as he said and he started drawing something on my cast. "What are you drawing?" I asked. "You'll see. In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1." He finished drawing and I looked down at my leg…he drew a giant penis on my cast… very detailed too. "Well if I have to live with it for the next three weeks. I guess I would have liked it to be detailed. Thanks jack." I laughed. He snapped the cap back on and looked like he accomplished something. "No problem." He said smiling. "So Crip. What do you want to do?" he said bouncing on the couch.

"Well. Where's my luggage?" I asked him. "Vinny got our stuff while we were at the hospital. What do you want?" he asked. "WAIT. Get me a pad of paper and something to write with now!" I said. He hurried and found them for me. I started humming and softly singing. "What are you" "shhhh" I cut him off. A chorus popped into my head.

"Don't follow me; I don't know where I'm going.  
Into the darkness, or into the light.  
I don't know where to go  
but these two hands, gaurenteed to make something beautiful  
ill hold on, I will forget my past  
oh these scars. They don't hold me back" I sang and put down the paper.

"So that's how you do it huh? Just spur of the moment?" jack asked. I blushed. "Sorry. It was just in my head and I knew I was going to forget it if I didn't write it down." Jack laughed. "No, no don't apologize. It was actually quite cool. Like a mad scientist making a bomb or something." I raised an eyebrow. "Thanks for the compliment I guess." I laughed. I got o my crutches and walked over to the bunk. "Wait. I can't have my bunk now." I said with a pout. "I'm taking it." Jack said climbing like a spider monkey. I lay down in my new bunk and got out my phone.

I saw that john had put his number in my phone. I rolled my eyes and called him. "Emily?" he sounded like he just woke up. It was so cute. I smiled and remembered I had to reply. "Oh yeah. Sorry. I saw you put your name in my phone." I said. I could hear him laugh on the other end. Well no duh Emily. You're on the phone with him. "Never mind." I said and laughed. I could hear him on the other end cracking up.

"So what are you doing?" he asked me. "Lying in my bunk. Bored. What about you?" I asked. "Coming over there with movies and such right now." I heard him getting up. "John you don't have to do that." I laughed. "Well I was bored... and youre bored. So let's get unbored together." He said. "fine." I smiled. "Be there in 5 minutes." "okay." I said and he hung up.

I hobbled over to the bathroom and looked into the mirror…. I looked horrible. I was so bruised up. I got my makeup and covered some of the bruises on my face. I put my hair up in a messy bun and changed into a t-shirt that covered more of my bruised arms. I heard a knock on the van door. "Can someone get that?" I yelled. Jack jumped out of his bunk and ran to the door. "hi." Jack said. "Umm I am here for Emily." I heard john say. "She's in her bunk." I heard jack say and I saw john pull back the curtain and he was already smiling.

"Hey there." He said sitting down in my bunk. I went on my side and made room for him to lie down. I patted right next to me and he set the bag full of snacks and movies down and he laid down facing me. "Hey "I said smiling. I felt his finger loop around mine and he just played with my hand. "So. How much does it hurt so far?" he said looking up from our hands. "I'm just really bruised. It hurts to walk. And my back and chest hurt." I said biting my lip. I didn't want him to worry too much.

"Why did you put makeup on?" he asked. How the fuck could he tell? I looked at him like I didn't know what he was talking about. He got the edge of his clean white shirt and wiped my forehead. "I already saw them." He whispered scooting closer. "I forgot." I lied. No I didn't forget. How could I forget last night? It was the happiest I've ever been in years. I felt johns hand go behind my neck and he settled his fingers in my hair. His thumb was right in front of my ear and I looked up. He leaned in and kissed me softly. He broke away and I smiled. "Please don't forget that." He said looking into my eyes. "I won't." I said as he rolled over onto his back. He put his arm around me as I put my head on his chest.

"Isn't this funny?" I said. "What?" he said confused. "How we have known each other for 3 days now and I went from not liking you, to liking you, to hating you, to me almost dying, then to me really liking you?" I said and laughed a little. "I've only liked you." He said playing with my hair. I smiled and played with the neckline of his shirt. We just sat there in silence. The only noise I could hear was john's heartbeat.

"there was a new girl in town. She had it all figured out. Well ill state something rash. She had the most amazing…smile. I bet you didn't expect it. She made me change my way-ay-ays. With eyes like sunsets baby. And legs that went on for days. Im falling in its falling apart. I need to find my way back to the start. Let me back into your arms." I heard john softly singing to me.

I looked up and john jumped. "Sorry. I thought you were sleeping." He said laughing. I rolled over onto my stomach and put one hand beside john on both sides and propped myself up so that I was even with him. "Who was that song for?" I asked. He smiled and looked down. "you." He said softly. I smiled and kissed him softly. He put his hands on my waist as he deepened the kiss. He broke away for air and I laid down next to him smiling. "You want to go watch those movies?" I asked. He nodded and kissed my forehead. He sat on the edge of my bunk and stopped.

"What?" I asked. "Get on my back silly." He laughed. I laughed and did as I was told. Despite how skinny he was how could still lift me with the heavy cast. He set me down gently. He ran to go get the bag and my blanket. I laughed as he came back. "You're so weird sometimes." I said as he put the movie in the Xbox. He came and sat down on the couch with me in his lap. I took the controller and started the movie. Once the movie started I felt john's hands snake around me. I put my head on his chest and white chicks started playing.

I brought my knees to my chest. It was kind of awkward with my cast starting right below my right knee. Alex walked into the front lounge and opened the fridge. "Em. You need to take your pills." He said getting me a bottle of water and setting down my pills for me. He put them on the top shelf of the cabinet. That just hurt. I wanted so badly just to say. 'Alex. Really? Don't you think you could trust me with pills?' but not while john was over. I took the pills and glared at Alex.

"Okay guys we are leaving in 10 minutes." Matt said walking onto the bus. "Emily. Your friend has to go." He said looking at john. So much for a date with john. I sat up and john kissed me goodbye. John started leaving for the door. "Wait. John your stuff." I said pointing to it. I felt so lazy. It's not my fault I can't stand up and get it for him. "It's for you." He said smiling. He left and I looked in the bag.

1 huge bag of skittles, snickers, twix, soda, and a bunch of movies. I smiled and put the bag back on the table. I saw the bottle of water and remembered what I wanted to say to Alex. I got up and hobbled down to Alex's bunk using the wall for support.

"Alex back room now." I said coldly. He got up and went to the back lounge with me. Luckily no one was in here. I closed the door and turned to face a confused Alex. "You really can't trust me?" I said in disbelief. "It's not that I can't trust you… "He said trying to find his words. "Then what is it?" I said bitterly. "It just freaks me out." he said looking down. "Alex. I fucking take birth control and my adhd pills every morning. Are you going to hide those too?" I yelled. "Emily if it bothers you that much then I'll put them on the counter. Sorry I didn't know it was that touchy." He said going for the door.

I sat down on the couch and sighed. I got the controller for the TV and turned it on. Why can't things go normal for me… once? I cuddled up in my blanket and watched n re runs of pretty little liars. This is probably going to be my life for the next three weeks. Doing absolutely nothing….. Fun. I felt my eyelids get heavy. Must be from the pills. I laid my head down and soon enough I was asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

THREE WEEKS LATER

(Sorry. Everything was so boring with Emily's cast on…)

"WELCOME HOME EMILY!" everyone from warped tour yelled as I got out of the car with Alex. I just got my cast off and was finally free. I couldn't go to any concerts with it on and I barely saw anyone. John came running towards me and gave me a big hug.

"I'm glad your back" he said as he crashed his lips into mine. I linked my arms around his neck and he put his arms around my waist. "Guess I'll leave more often." I said smiling as he pulled away way too soon. Johns smile turned into a smirk. "There's so much more if you stay." I laughed and kissed his cheek. We turned to everyone holding hands and I got hugs from at least everyone.

"My biggest fan made it!" I heard someone say behind me. I tightened my grip on john… it couldn't be. I turned around slowly and was face to face with Christopher. "Uh…h-hi" I said shaking. "Don't I get a hug?" he said laughing. I hugged him shaking. He was my favorite artist ever! Just because I'm the sister of a band member doesn't mean I can't be a fangirl. He bent down and kissed my hand. "Hope you are surprised tonight." He winked. I lifted a brow in confusion and john cleared his throat. "You'll find out." was all he said before leaving.

I looked around and most everyone went to sound check or the bus. John was still behind me when I felt his arms snake around my waist. "Emily I lo….need to go to sound check. "He said kissing my neck from behind me. I turned around and put my head to his chest. "What will I do?" I said into his shirt. "You thought I wouldn't want you with me?" he laughed. "Your voice sounds funny through your shirt." I said as he held me tighter.

Even after 3 weeks I still got that feeling in my stomach when he stood like this. Him just holding me no matter where we are. It feels like no one else exists and it's just us.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked me after a while. "you." I said looking up at him. He looked down at me and smiled. That is another thing I don't think I will ever get tired of, his teeth are so white, and his lips form a perfect arch. He leaned down and softly kissed me. "I love you Mr. O'Callaghan." I whispered as small as I could.

I've been saying it for 2 weeks now. He hasn't heard me yet but I intend for it to stay that way. I know he isn't in love. How could he be? We walked hand in hand down to the stage.

Out of nowhere a security golf cart swerved in front of us. I felt a tiny scream escape my lips. John took me to the side and held me. "It's okay em." He said as I was shaking. "I'm sorry." I said trying to get out of his grasp.

This was silly. A golf cart couldn't hurt me. I still jump whenever a car switched lanes in front of us on the highway though. The nightmares haven't calmed down. I gave up trying to escape and john tightened his arms around me. "I promised I wouldn't let anything hurt you remember." He said lifting my chin. "Yeah, I remember." Putting my head back to his chest. "Let's go." I said as we started walking down to the stage hand in hand.

We made it to the backstage area and I cuddled up on the couch next to john. "You haven't left his side yet today have you?" Kennedy said from the couch. "no." I said sharply. I could see john mouthing something from the corner of my eye. "Oh. Sorry." Kennedy said. "It's okay Kenny" I said and stood up from johns grasp. "What?" john asked? "I don't know… I just wanted to get up. Where's pat?" I asked looking around. Great I didn't take my adhd pill this morning. Today will be fun.

"I'm right here!" I saw him come out from the bathroom. "Pat!" I said giving him a huge hug. Pat quickly became my best friend. "Guys you are up in 5" the stage manager said as the other band came off stage. John and the boys all did their "we like to party" ritual and they put their ear pieces in. Jared looked at me, then to john and john nodded. John came over to me and I laughed.

"What's going on?" I said laughing. "You'll see." John said. "John cornel-"I was interrupted by john throwing me over his shoulder. "What is going on!" I screamed. "Just relax." He said laughing. My hair was blocking my vision but from hearing and what I could make out the distance between me and the stage was getting shorter. Sunlight peered in through my hair and I saw kids freaking out.

John finally set me down and I started falling backwards. I felt johns arms come around me as he brought me back to my feet. The crowd started going crazy with awe's. I laughed and buried my head in john's chest. "Hey guys." John said in the microphone. "This girl that has her head turned away from you is Emily." I peeked a look at the crowd and they all went wild.

"Hey guys." I said softly in the microphone. I felt johns arms go around my waist and he turned me facing him. "You are probably wondering why I brought her up here." John said without taking his eyes away from me.

"We have been dating for three weeks today. We have known each other for 3 weeks and 3 days. Ever since I saw you in the front row I knew that you were special." He said and the crowd went crazy again.

"But I was so wrong. You are so much more than special. You challenge every part of me, you brought out the john I never knew existed, my day gets so much brighter when I'm around you that I forgot there was even sun, when I look into your eyes I just get lost, I have wanted to say this for so long now Emily, so.. Here it goes. I love you so much Emily Rae gaskarth." John said.

Never once did his eyes move from mine. Pat did a drumroll behind us. "Say you love him back!" the crowd yelled. "I love you too john Cornelius O'Callaghan. "I said as I kissed him. Everyone went crazy with their instruments and I broke away from john. "I love you more." He whispered into my ear for only me to hear. I smiled and waved to everyone as I walked backstage. The music was so loud I barely noticed my phone going off. I answered and ran into the bathroom.

"Nikki, what's up?" I said as I tried to get to a place as quiet as possible. Nikki is my sorority house president and my "big sister". "Emily, I'm so sorry to take your time from your rock star" she said laughing. Nikki was the first one I called bout john and I, I could trust her with anything.

"It's fine, but guess what!" I squealed. "What girlie?" she said laughing. "John said he loved me… infront of EVERYONE in the crowd!" I said laughing. I still couldn't believe it. I could hear Nikki screaming on the other end. "Oh my god! Congratulations! You are so going to be president with a band member as your date to formals!" she screamed.

"Nikki, you know I don't love him because he is a band member, I'm not that shallow." I said. She stopped screaming. "Sorry it's my inner 'future president of America' coming out." she laughed. She seriously was going to be the next president, she was perfect. "It's okay." I laughed.

"oh I totally forgot what I called about, Emily we need you back at the house, something went wrong with the member list and majors , all the girls need to come back or the won't be going to ASU anymore." She said seriously. I couldn't just leave everyone.

"How soon?" I said. "Alpha Phi needs you back in at the most 2 days." She said. My knees felt weak. 2 days, why so soon? I would barely have enough time to say goodbye. "I'll be there." I said softly. "See you in Arizona soon love." She said with a kiss though the phone and hung-up.

I put my phone up and slid down the wall in shock. I got my hands around everything I have ever wanted and I have to give it all up. I put my head between my knees and started to sob. I just told john I loved him, now I have to say 'I'm leaving for however long it takes to get the situation worked out'.

I completely forgot that I promised Nikki I would go to the president lake house for our school in 3 weeks. Alpha phi has a 'Greek row' sort of thing on a lake. The presidents of each chapter can rent a house for free for the summer and there is a spa and everything.

"Emily?" I heard someone screaming outside for me. I heard footsteps coming for the bathroom and I put my head back between my knees. "Emily there you are." Pat said coming into the bathroom and giving me a hug. "Shut the door and lock it." I said softly. He did as told and sat back down. "What's wrong Emmy?" he said to me. "I have to leave tomorrow." I said wiping my eyes. Pat hates it when I cry. "Why?" he said shocked.

"My sorority fucked things up and basically if I don't go back I won't be going to ASU anymore and I won't be in my sorority." I said looking at him. "Wait you go to asu?" he said smiling. "Yeah why?" I said hurt. What light could he find in this? "You do know that it is right next to where we all live right?" he said laughing. "Oh, but still, I have to leave in the morning and then I promised Nikki, our sorority president, that I would spend the rest of the summer at the lake house." I felt tears coming back.

"Emily what's going on?" I heard john say through the door. "I can't see him pat. I just can't face him right now. I feel like a complete bitch having to leave after I just said I love you to him." I said wide eyed. "I understand." Pat got up and opened the door just enough so that he could get out. I could hear pat saying something but I couldn't make it out. "What do you mean she can't see me? Emily let me talk to you!" he said banging on the door. I got up and turned that handle.

"John I'm so sorry, but I have to go." I hugged him and walked off to my bus. This seems so familiar, me running away. Why does it always come down to this? I found the bus and ran to get my suitcases. They were stuck on a bar or something and I just started flailing it around trying to get it unstuck in frustration. I felt arms come around me and pull me into their lap.

"Shhhh" I heard Alex say. I started sobbing all over again. "Emily what the hell is wrong?" he asked. "I have to leave, now." I said wiping my eyes still in his arms. "Why?" he said calmly. I felt his body tense up. "Alpha Phi fucked things up and if I don't leave then I won't even be going to ASU anymore, my scholarships, degree, everything gone." I said getting up. Alex just sat there in silence. I started packing and Alex still just sat there. "Just say something!" I screamed at him crying.

"What do you want me to say? Yes it sucks that you have to go, but its college. Go make your name for yourself 'Ms. President'!" he screamed back as he stood up. How could he be saying all of this? I want to make a name for myself and he is just mocking it.

Before I knew it my hand connected with his face. "Bitch!" he said getting his balance back. I turned back and continued packing. I heard Alex stomp out of the bus and slam the door behind him. I was still sobbing but I continued packing.

I needed to go back. My clothes were done and I packed everything from the bathroom up. I got everything and put it on my bed. I got my computer out and turned it on. I looked for the first flight in the morning for phoenix Arizona and booked it.

"Emily what the fuck happened?" I saw jack and everyone but Alex come on the bus. I started crying again and the all came around me giving me a hug. "I have to leave if I don't then I won't be enrolled in my college anymore." I said summing it up. "When do you have to leave?" Rian asked. "I booked my flight for noon. That was the earliest one." I said as the all dispersed.

"Like tomorrow noon!" zack said. "yeah." I said wiping my eyes. "I'm driving you." Jack said. "Jack. I don't know if I'm just taking a cab or who is taking me yet. I would rather take a cab, goodbyes aren't my best quality." I said looking away. I saw john pacing outside. "I gotta go." I said running for the door.

"John!" I said as he came running to me. I put my arms around his neck and he brought my legs to his waist and I hooked my ankles behind his back. I crashed my lips into his and he pushed me up against the bus. I didn't care who was watching us right now. I need john.

"John I love you so much." I said as he lowered me down. "I love you too." He said in shock. "What?" I said laughing. "You never kissed me like that before." He said blushing. "Sorry I just-"john lifted my chin and kissed me again. Just as much force as I kissed him before. I ran my fingers through his hair and we started making out right outside the bus. John broke away and started kissing my neck.

"Don't be sorry" he whispered into my ear. It sent chills down my spine and he looked into my eyes. "John, my flight is at noon." I blurted out. Such a mood killer. "Well then we need to make the most out of the 15 hours we do have." He said hugging me. "Will you drive me?" I asked softly. "Don't you want Alex to?" he asked breaking the hug.

"We got in a fight, he said 'go make your name for yourself Ms. President' and I slapped him." I said ashamed. "In my defense he shouldn't have used my words against me!" I said before john could speak. Johns face went blank. "John what's wrong." I asked him. " .that." he asked through a clenched jaw. "John come one it's not that big of a deal." I said looking up at him. "Emily you know I would never do that to you right?" he said leaning down and touching our foreheads together. "I know." I smiled weakly and quickly kissed him. I saw a figure moving behind john and I looked to see who it was. My body tensed up in john's arms.

"Alex." I breathed. "John ill come over later." I said kissing him again. I walked over to Alex and tapped him on the shoulder. "great." I said rolling his eyes and starting off in the other direction. "Hey! I am your fucking sister Alex. Swallow your ego for one second and treat me with respect" I said walking after him. "Ms. President had a stick up her ass." He said sharply. "What do you think tom is saying right now?" I said just soft enough for him to hear. Alex stopped in his tracks and turned around to face me.

"Alex look I'm sorry, but I have to leave." I said with my anger going away. "No I'm sorry I should've never said that. You are doing what you want and I should be supportive. You aren't a bitch either." He said shyly. "Gimme a hug big brudder." I said like a kid. He gave me a hug and I heard cameras going off.

"I love my big brother Alexis. You can quote me on that" I said to the photographer. "And I love my little sister Emmy elephant." He said laughing. "You still remember that!" I said laughing. "How can I forget? You got mud on my favorite shoes as a kid." He laughed. We posed for a picture where I made half a heart and he completed it. We both made funny faces and we walked off to the bus.

"LET'S PARTY THIS MOTHER FUCKER UP!" I yelled outside the 2 busses still at the venue. All time low and the Maine all came out. "Get all the booze, get some amps, some instruments, and some ping pong tables and let's get this going!" I yelled in excitement. "You will do a wonderful job as president." Alex laughed. "Don't be jealous that I can throw a better party." I mocked. "Ouuuuuuu so that's how you want to play?" Alex laughed. "Bring it on alexas Texas." I smirked. "Since it's your last day I'm going to be nice." He joked and went to help set up. I saw john walking towards me smiling.

"I want to take you somewhere." He said intertwining our fingers. "The last time you did this you told me you loved me." I thought out loud. "mmhmm." John said smiling. "John Cornelius O'Callaghan you better not be proposing!" I joked. Of course he wouldn't. "Something like that." He smiled. Wait…. What?

I broke out into a huge smile. I saw 2 white balloons and a picnic blanket with pillows set out with battery powered white Christmas lights all over the ground. "Oh my god." I said in awe. "You like it? I know it's not anything special." He said nervously. "It's perfect john." I said smiling up at him. Even in the dim light his eyes sparkled. "You're perfect." I said to him. "I think you meant to say we're perfect." He said as we cuddled on the blanket.

Everything felt right. I had my brother back, I had the perfect boyfriend, I made so many friends on tour, and I get to go back to my sorority house where next year I will be president. "I almost forgot!" john said digging into his pockets. I got up and he pulled out a thin black box. He opened it and in the box was the unmistakable twisted silver chain tom got me for the last birthday of mine he would be able to celebrate. I picked it up out of the box and on the end was a JCOV on it.

"You know how fraternities give a girl their letters? Well I did that but with my name." he said nervously. "John Cornelius O'Callaghan the Fifth." I said smiling. "Do you like it?" he asked. "How couldn't I?" I Laughed. I threw my arms around his neck and looked into his eyes.

"I love you so much." I said. I kissed him softly as he leaned back onto his elbows. "I love you too Emily." He said smiling. "shhhh" I said softly as I kissed him again. He laid down on his back without breaking the kiss. He grabbed my waist and turned me so that he was on top of me. I let out a little yelp and he laughed. "What?" he laughed. "Nothing." I said trying not to break out laughing. "You're so cute, you know that?" he said touching our noses together. "I'm only cute when I'm with you." I smiled and he gave me a peck on the lips.

"Where are you going?" I said softly as he tried rolling onto his back. I pulled him back by his arm and crashed my lips into his. I felt his hands start to go up my shirt but then he stopped. "What's wrong?" I asked out of breath. "I don't want to do it and have you leave." He said then he kissed my neck. "We don't have to, plus I didn't bring any condoms and I doubt you have any hidden under this blanket." I laughed. He brought his lips back to mine.

I felt his hands start to go up my shirt again so I just pulled it over my head. The cold midnight air felt refreshing on my skin. I felt johns breath on my neck and it sent goose bumps over my skin. I pulled johns shirt off and he crashed his lips into mine. John and I were both on our knees on the blanket and it felt like I was in one of those cheesy movies. I felt johns hands go behind my back and un hook my bra with one try. "glad im in love with a talented boy." I laughed and he continued kissing me. Our chests were pushed up together and I put my arms behind his neck.

"Emily? Where did you go?" I heard someone calling on the other side of the hill. "shit." I whispered as I tried to find my shirt. "Where did you put my shirt?" I scream-whispered to john. "It's over here." He said handing it to me. "SHIT!" I saw the person at the top of the hill shield their eyes. I put my bra back on and pulled my shirt back over my head.

"Who is it?" I called out. "Your blinded brother." Alex said back. Great, now my brother just saw me with my boobs hanging out making out with my half naked boyfriend. This won't be awkward. John was getting the lights and the blanket when I remembered the necklace in my pocket.

"Alex I'll be there in a second." I said to him. "Take as long as you need." He laughed walking down the hill back to the party. John had the blanket and everything picked up. "Would you mind?" I said holding out the necklace to him. John smiled and took it from me. He put it around my neck and I pulled my hair to one side as he closed the clasp. "I'm never taking this off I hope you know that." I laughed as I brought the lights up the hill.

We finally made our way to the busses and someone started a slow clap, probably Alex. "Walk of shame, walk of shame, walk of shame!" Alex chanted into the microphone. John ran his hand through his hair and looked down. "We didn't even fuck you guys, calm down." I laughed. We set down the stuff in the parking lot and I walked over to Alex.

"Forget what you saw…okay." I joked. "gladly." He rolled his eyes and I laughed. "John let's play." I said pulling him over to the beer pong table where everyone was. "Ouuuuuuu john against strip." Jack said putting his arm around me. "Really Alex strip" I rolled my eyes as they set up our game. "Ready to go down honey?" I smirked at john. "You haven't seen anything yet baby." John stared at me challengingly.

"Stop flirting and play." Garrett said. "Emily goes first because she was on bottom." Rian laughed. "Really guys?" I rolled my eyes and glared at Rian as he handed me the ping pong ball. I bounced the ball and it landed perfectly in one of johns cups. "Drink up baby." I stuck my tongue out and he rolled his eyes. We continued drinking and john beat me. He only had to down 3 while I did 5 in a row and then I called it off.

Johns pov~~

Emily called the game off, I wouldn't blame her. I walked over to her and she was slightly drunk. "Let's go get you to bed. You need to make your flight." I laughed as I led her into her bus. "I don't want to leave." She admitted. "You need to go to college Emily don't feel bad." I said biting my lip.

No matter how much I pretend to smile and comfort her I still feel like the rest of this tour will be the worst one yet. I took her suitcases and put them on the couch in the front room. When I came back she was already sleeping. I plugged her phone in and set an alarm for her.

The silver letters fit perfectly around her neck. Hopefully she was telling the truth when she said that she will never take the necklace off. I put a blanket over her and kissed her on her forehead. "I love you Emily." I whispered and I walked out of her bus. I found Alex cleaning up outside.

"You're driving her right?" I asked. "Yeah but you can come with if you want." He said still cleaning. "I'll just say goodbye in the morning, you need your time with her." I said and then walked to my bus. I set my alarm ten minutes before Emily's and crawled into my bunk.

I looked up at the ceiling just thinking things through. About an hour passed and everyone had already came into the bus and fallen asleep. I decided to shut my eyes. Images of Emily on the hill flooded my vision. How beautiful she was and how she didn't compare to any other girl I have seen like that. No one came close. I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes trying not to cry. She will have no time at all until a rich football playing frat boy feels her up at a party and I'll be stuck here torturing myself. I rolled over in frustration and begged for sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Emily's point of view:

"WAKE THE FUCK UP MOTHER FUCKER"

I jumped up and turned off my alarm. "I love it" said jack getting out of his bunk laughing sleepily. Zack opened his curtain gave me the middle finger and closed the curtain. "Love you too zack." I laughed and turned to go get my pills.

"Oh sorry" I said running into someone. "Hey baby" john said giving me a quick peck on the lips. "Why are you up?" I asked laughing. "I wanted to say goodbye." He said pulling me closer. "I don't want to though." I said serious with my head on his chest.

"That necklace makes you look even more beautiful." I heard through the vibrations from his chest. I blushed and buried my head deeper. "Now I really don't want to say goodbye." I said with a pout. John picked me up and set me down on the table.

"A kiss on the hand so you won't forget my touch." He said and he kissed me hand. "A kiss on the nose to remember your smile." I smiled as his lips pressed up against my nose. "A kiss on the forehead so you will think of me always." He kissed my forehead and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"And a kiss for you to remember how your lips are mine." I said and kissed him softly. John placed his hands on the table and came closer. Just as I pulled back I bit his lip softly. "And a bite for us to remember last night." I said with our foreheads pressed together. "How could I forget?" john said and smiled. I grabbed his hand and pressed it against the necklace. "jcov and erg always. Remember that rock star." I said and hopped off the table.

John caught me by the waist and pulled me back so that he was right behind me. "I promise" he whispered. Shivers went down my spine as I felt his breath on my ear. "You need to stop doing that." I said out of breath. "Why because it turns you on?" he whispered again. It took me awhile to respond. I could feel him staring at me and I could tell he was smirking. "Yeah and because if you keep doing that then I'm not leaving." I struggled to find my words. "I love you Emily Rae gaskarth, with every fiber of my being." He whispered again. I turned around in his arms and just smiled at him.

"You are making this so very hard for me." I said. "Emily we have to go….now." Alex said putting on sunglasses. "Well I guess this is goodbye." I said biting my lip. "For now Emily, I'll be down there the second tour is over." He said to me. "I know but it seems so long." I said starting to cry. John pulled me into a tight hug. "Jcov and erg always" he said as he broke the hug and wiped my tears. "always." I said as I gave him one last quick kiss and got my bags.

"BYE EMILY" the boys from the Maine screamed from their bus. I blew them a kiss as I got into the car. I looked out my window and saw john leaning against my bus waving goodbye. I held up a heart and Alex pulled out of the parking lot.

"You know I'm coming to visit to right." Alex said looking over to me. "I thought you would be busy with touring." I said drawing my attention away from the window. "I don't care if we are going to the moon. I haven't been there for you in 3 years. It's your senior year of college and you really think I'm going to miss that?" he said seriously. "Thanks" I said putting my head on his shoulder. "Plus I want to see all of the hot girls in the beach volleyball tournament on Greek day." He laughed.

"You know that Nikki has the biggest crush on you….but don't tell her I told you." I said softly. "She is the president right?" he asked. I nodded and he smiled. "She is cute." He said putting his attention back onto the road. "Speaking of cute, who is zack's mystery girl? He has been smiling whenever someone calls him and staying away from the girls at parties…it's obvious." I asked.

"Lindsey Betts. They have been going out for like 4 weeks now." Alex laughed. "I have to thank her." I said leaning back. "Why?" Alex asked like I was crazy. "She screamed onstage that I thought john was hot, he saw me and replied, and that's when we met." I smiled at the memory.

"What time is it?" Alex asked. "9:45." I said yawning. "Well it's a good thing the busses were so close to the airport." He laughed turning on the stereo. "How much longer do I have with my brudder?" I said like a kid. "15 minutes unfortunately." He said with a hint of sadness in his voice. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer Alex I really am." I said playing with my thumbs.

"Don't be. You are living your life and as long as you don't forget those closest to you when the spotlight hits you're okay." He said putting his hand over mine. "You're so deep man." I acted like I was high and he just rolled his eyes and put his hand back on the steering wheel. Before I knew it we were driving under the drop off sign at the airport.

"I guess this is it." I said trying not to cry. "Emily Rae gaskarth stop this right now. You can't cry because then I'm going to cry and the big tough big brother can't be crying okay." Alex said like a drama queen. I laughed and got out of the car. Alex got my bags and gave me a tight hug. "fly as fast as that plane can take you, then keep on running as far as your feet can take you, you were meant for so much more than this town can offer." Alex said those familiar words.

"You said that the day I left for college." I said letting a tear fall. "I meant every word of it then and still today. You escaped but I stayed behind. Look how much better off you are kid. I'm so proud of you, you know that?" he said breaking the hug. "Don't sell yourself short Alex. You are headlining warped." I said laughing. "Yeah yeah, now go before you miss your flight!" he handed me my bags and I walked into the airport ready to go back home.

I went through security and everything else and I couldn't stop thinking of john. I haven't even been away for an hour and I couldn't stop thinking about him. This was going to be the longest 2 weeks 4 days of my life. "Flight 812 heading for phoenix Arizona is now boarding." I heard the woman say. I got up and handed the man my ticket and walked down the grey connector. I sighed as I sank into my seat by the window.

"Are you in gamma pi too?" a girl that was across the aisle asked me. "Yes I am. Are you one of the freshman?" I asked her the freshman from last year got to choose to live in their dorms which they already paid for or the house which they would have to pay for again. Most of them chose the dorm.

"Yeah I'm living in the house this year though." She said smiling. "Come sit next to me, after all we are sisters." I said laughing. I needed someone to keep me company. "Emily Rae gaskarth." I said holding out my hand. She shook my hand and smiled. "Lex Shirice Styles." She said smiling. That name sounded really familiar. "Wait gaskarth as in Alex gaskarth is your brother?" she asked me. "Yeah and styles as in harry styles…." I asked. "Wife" she blushed and flashed her ring to me. Wow it was huge!

"Awwwh since when!" I said admiring the huge diamond and the simple gold band. "Since a little over a year. I was pregnant but we lost the baby. We are still in love so we decided to keep with the marriage." She said down to her ring. "Well I'm sorry about your baby. I know what it's like to lose someone you thought you couldn't live without." I said as I put my hand on her knee.

"Your brother tom right? Sorry I'm not a 'hustler' per say but I do follow along, enough in fact that you have a special someone in your life and congratulations are in order." She said nudging my shoulder. "What do you mean?" I said blushing. "Your brother and his band blew up everyone's newsfeed with the video of john with you over his shoulder, bringing you out on stage, pouring his heart out to you, you guys so in love." She said in a dramatic voice.

"Oh my god. They didn't!" I said blushing. "It wasn't that bad, you looked hot, like an Alpha Phi should always be!" she said peppy like the natural sorority girl stereotype. "thanks." I said blushing. She put her headphones in and started reading her book.

Thank god, don't take me wrong I don't hate her it's just that I don't feel very peppy right now and I just want to sleep. I put in my headphones and played johns new demo's he recorded for their new album. I smiled and shut my eyes.

"Hey, we are leaving." Lex said waking me up. "Oh my god… I slept for the whole plane ride!" I said rubbing my eyes. We got off the plane and I walked down to baggage claim.

"Oh my god…. It's her." I heard someone say. I turned around and saw two teenage girls smiling. "Your Emily gaskarth right? Like john O'Callaghan's girlfriend?" one said with a huge smile. "Yeah" I laughed. "Are you fans?" I smiled. "We just came back home from seeing them on warped, we flew out to see them." The other girl said.

"Wow….that's dedication." I said impressed. "Why are you here? I mean I thought you would've been with john." The first one said. "Oh I have sorority things to do." I shrugged. "Oh I'm sorry that you have to be away from him." They said. "It's okay." I said touching my necklace. "Can we get a picture if you don't mind?" one girl blurted out. "No problem! I would love to!" I said as I took out my phone and asked some person to take a picture with my phone and their phone.

"I'm sending this straight to john. 'I met your two biggest fans!' is what I'm going to caption it as." I smiled as I picked up my carry on. "Oh my god…. It's going to john!" they said excited. "I got to get going, my ride is waiting." I frowned and they gave me one last hug goodbye. I found my bag on the carousel.

"Emily over here!" I heard Nikki call out. "I made it!" I said giving her a hug. "All in one piece too!" she laughed. She grabbed my bags and we walked out to her car. "Tell me all about warped." She said opening the trunk. "Wait start from when you got home." She laughed as she got into the car.

"Okay, I got home and Rian was just like 'we are going to warped tomorrow' so I went with them. The first day Alex said that I couldn't fall in love with anyone on tour." I said. "Whoops" she laughed. I went on telling her everything. "John and I were making out half naked and Alex comes down the hill and sees me!" I said laughing. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" she laughed.

"Oh my god, the house looks so good nikki! What did you do?" I said as we pulled up to the house. "Oh just a paintjob and new bushes." She shrugged. "I also kept your baby safe while you were gone." She said opening the garage door. "Marie!" I said running over to my black mini cooper.

"Thank you so much nikki!" I said running my fingers over the hood. I loved this car so much. "Well we are the first ones here so go unpack your stuff." She said bringing my bags in. Nikki and I had the biggest bedroom, of course, and next year when I'm president I'll be able to call it the presidential suite like Nikki does. "I remodeled the presidential suite." She said opening the door. "Oh my god Nikki. You sent me pictures but those didn't nearly do it justice!" I said running over to my bed. (That's our room but with two beds like that and a chair in front of each one)

"You like it? I wanted you to feel like you were back home in Maryland. Alex sent me pictures." She said sitting on her bed. "Wait… Alex said he didn't know who you were." I said cautiously. "You really don't catch on to things at all do you?" she laughed. "Wait what!" I said going over to her. "We are like best friends, we have been talking nonstop for the whole summer basically." She laughed again.

"You guys are going to get married one day." I said. "I should be saying that about you and john! I see that necklace he got you." She smiled touching it. "Jcov?" she asked. "John Cornelius O'Callaghan the fifth." Explained.

"NIKKI WERE BACK!" I heard 5 other girls walk in. I ran downstairs and saw my other friends. "Hey ms president." Rachel said giving me a hug. "Why does everyone call me that?" I said blushing. "Because no one is daring to run against you with Nikki as your campaign manager!" Ashley said. I blushed and I felt my pocket start to vibrate. "Nikki its john I'll be a second." I said as I answered the phone.

"Who is john?" I heard Ashley ask. I rolled my eyes knowing Nikki would tell them everything.

"Hey john." I said smiling. "So I saw you got there alright." He laughed. "Yeah your fans are so sweet! I love them so much" I laughed and I could hear john laughing too. "So did you make it to the house alright? He asked. I looked around taking in the fancy white walls. "Yes I did. In fact I forgot how much I missed it. It's beautiful john." I said sitting down on the hammock outside.

"I bet it is! I wouldn't expect anything less for you" he laughed. "So what have you done today?" I asked. "Well we had an early show today so we have nothing else to do." John said. His words tugged at a heart string. I remember what we used to always do after early shows. We would always go out bowling with the guys.

"Well you guys should go do something." I said trying to sound happy. "The boys don't want to go bowling, we all suck." He laughed. "I miss your laugh." I said putting my hand on my head. "I miss you." I said. "I miss you too em. I'll be done with tour in a couple weeks. If you think about it, it isn't that long." He said trying to cheer me up. Even in his voice I heard sadness.

"I love you john." I smiled as I touched my necklace. "I love you more." He said back. I was interrupted my Nikki coming outside. "Emily look what Taylor dropped off for you!" she said and my chocolate lab puppy came running out the door.

"Oh my god! John you will never guess who came to say hello." I said smiling. "Who?" he asked. "You know how I told you I had a dog?" I asked. "Yeah... what about it?" he asked. "Well I had to leave her at my friend Taylor's house while I was gone and now I have my pae pae back!" I said as pae pae licked my face. "Down pae." I said and she sat down.

"I'm glad you're happy." He said happier than before. "When you come down you'll love her! I trained her myself." I said petting pae pae. "I can't wait for that day." He said. I broke out into a smile and pae pae started barking. "Neit" I said to her and she stopped.

"Your dog knows Russian?" john asked laughing. "I tried saying no but she wouldn't listen. Everything else is in English except for no." I said laughing. "She's unique like you." John said. "Awwwh thank you I guess." I said laughing. "The guys want to go see a movie, ill text you later okay." John said. "Okay baby. Bye I love you!" I said and kissed the phone. "I love you more. And bye pae pae." He said laughing. He hung up and I cuddled with pae pae outside.

"That's hopefully your new daddy." I said kissing her forehead. She started wagging her tail and I laughed. "You would like that huh?" I said she got up and started getting really excited. "Hey Emily all of the girls are here." Nikki said from the door. "Oh okay I'll be right in." I said.

I got up and called pae pae. For only being a year and a half old she was really smart. We walked in and I greeted everyone. "Hello I'm Emily Gaskarth. Vice president of the house and as you know this is Nikki." I said waving to everyone. "Oh and this is Pae Pae, my dog, if any of you have any problems with her please don't be afraid to tell me." I said smiling. Pae pae wagged her tail.

"Now we have 2 sophomores coming into the house and we still have to get ready for rush!" Nikki said walking over to the meeting room. "I guess this will be our first meeting." Nikki said at her podium. "Pae pae bed" I said and she walked up the stairs to my room.

I sat down next to Lex and she smiled. "Nice to see you again." She smiled.

Nikki continued, talking about how sorry she is that we all had to take time out of our summers to deal with this. "So this should all be cleared up hopefully in a week. Nationals had to come down and check over everything so girls nun-ify everything, no sexy liengerie,beer pong, photos from the parties, nothing should be in sight or in the rooms, it should all be in the blue chest in the backyard shed. That seems to be the last order of business, you all are dismissed." She smiled politely and stepped down.

"You are such a good president Nikki." I said giving her a hug. "It's time I pass on the torch though." She shrugged and patted my shoulder. We walked up to our room and I found pae pae asleep on my bed. I sat down at my desk and opened one of the drawers. "Oh my god Nikki! Look at what I found!" I said unfolding a piece of paper.

"It's our big sis little sis bucket list!" she said reading over my shoulder. "We have some things to cross off." I laughed. "We can cross off get a dog, boyfriends, redecorate room, tattoos," I cut her off. "You got a tattoo?" I asked. She pulled her hair aside and on her neck it said "don't hold back" in cursive. "Awwwh that's so cute!" I crossed off what she said and I read off what was still on the list.

"Dye our hair the same color, presidents, nikki and Alex go out." I added the last one to the list. "Ha-ha ooookkkaay. Like that's ever going to happen." She said playing with pae pae. "I'm going to see myself it happens." I laughed. She rolled her eyes and I looked inside of the mini fridge.

"We have ice-cream and we have movies….. Chick flick." I said getting the ice-cream out and Nikki got the movies.

By the time ice-cream was finished and 3 movies have been finished I felt my eyes getting sleepy. Nikki was crashed on her bed so I cuddled with pae pae and fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

I woke up to pae pae moving around on my bed. I looked over at the clock and it read 12:44. I stretched my arms out and pae pae army crawled over and cuddled with me. "You're so weird." I said kissing her nose.

11 hours of sleep is something I haven't gotten in 4 weeks. I noticed Nikki was already up doing her makeup. "Good morning sleeping beauty." She laughed. "I feel like a princess in this bed that's for sure!" I said playing with pae pae. "What do you want to do today?" I asked.

"I have some surprises in mind so get ready." She said smiling as she put on mascara. "You know I hate surprises." I said getting up. "I know you'll love this one." She said with her evil smile. "fine." I sighed and pressed play on my Ihome and john's voice came blasting through the speakers. I smiled and took my shower singing along to every note of their songs. When I got out I lowered the volume but still had him playing.

I looked at myself in the mirror with a towel wrapped around me and noticed that I actually got a tan on warped. Nice. "Emily hurry up! The surprise will be here in 30 minutes!" Nikki yelled from outside the bathroom. "Okay geez!" I combed through my hair and put mousse in it. I walked out into the room and Nikki had this ready for me

"Nikki why do I have to be so dressed up. I want a t shirt and jeans." I whined. I heard a fancy knock on the door and Nikki's face went pale. "One sec." she said and hurried for the door. "What do you mean the flight came in early? Go somewhere and wait." She said and I heard heels click down the hallway. "Who was that?" I asked getting dresses.

"Lex telling me that my parent's flight got in early, nothing big." She said looking in the mirror and putting the final touches of makeup on. I came out and she smiled. "Okay now your hair. Sit down I'm braiding it." She told me. I rolled my eyes and sat down in the chair. She didn't brush through the mousse but used it for a loose braid.

"There, you're even prettier than before." She said turning me around. "Thanks, but now can I know where I'm going?" I asked. She rolled her eyes and got her purse. I guess not. I said goodbye to pae pae and we walked downstairs and got in her car.

Lex's pov. (girl married to harry styles.):

I saw john at the door and let him in. "shhhh she is still getting ready." I said and he nodded. "Wait right here." I said and walked up to Nikki's room. I did the code nock and Nikki came out in the hallway. "Go somewhere and wait!" she told me and I walked down to john who was looking at the house officials group photo.

"We have to go somewhere and wait so you could hop in my car and I guess we could go to Starbucks?" I said and he nodded. We walked out into the street and hopped in my car. "I'm sorry I'm early but Kennedy really wanted to get home so he just dropped me off as soon as we got here." He said. "No its okay. It doesn't affect the surprise what so ever." I smiled and looked out on the road.

"I miss this college." He laughed. "You went here? I thought you guys didn't go to college?" I asked. "I went here for a semester and then we started touring." He explained. I nodded and pulled into the on campus Starbucks.

We got out and the hot summer air felt wonderful. "I miss the weather too!" he laughed. We walked inside and sat at a table. "So how long are you here for?" I asked him. "I'm here as long as I can be. We were on tour before warped and I miss everyone back home." He said. "One rule about the house, no sleep overs. Especially for the next few weeks while everyone has to stay here, nationals will be on our butt and we have to pretend we are some prude sorority." I laughed.

John started laughing and he noticed my ring. "Oh are you married?" he asked. "Yeah, to harry styles." I said blushing. "Wow! That's amazing! Congrats! "He said smiling. "Thanks" I said politely. "I hope that one day… never mind." He said running his fingers through his hair and started blushing. I laughed and I felt my phone go off.

"Hello" I answered. "Is there any place I should take Emily? "Nikki asked. "One sec." I said and turned my attention to john. "Any place you want to take her?" I asked him. "Actually yeah tell her to go to (I don't know his actual address okay)" he said and I told Nikki.

I hung up the phone and john and I ran to the car. "We need to get there like now." John said getting his seatbelt on. I pulled out of the parking lot and drove to where john instructed.

Emily's pov:

"Here put this on." She said handing me a blindfold. "You aren't going to rape me are you?" I said cautiously. "No I'm not now put it on!" she said excitedly. "Geez okay." I said putting it on. My heart started beating as I felt the car speed to highway speed. "nikki." I said nervously. "Emily its okay, nothing is going to happen to you." She said putting her hand over mine and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

My body was still tense. I heard johns voice come through the radio and my body relaxed. "I can't wait till school actually starts. You and john will be such a cute couple." She said. "You think so?" I said smiling. "You guys already are! I can see him picking you up for the homecoming ball right now. Him in a tux standing at the bottom of the stairs, you in your long dress with your hair curled and your makeup done, so perfect." She said. I bit my lip and put my head back.

"She's fresh to death, shell be the death of me." I sang along. "Okay we are here!" she said to me. Time goes by fast when you can't see. "Help?" I asked getting out. I felt her arm loop around mine and we started walking. "Nikki where are we going!" I laughed. She didn't answer me. "Nikki I swear to god." I said not laughing. She still didn't respond.

"nik-" I said taking off my blindfold. "surprise." John said right next to me. "Oh my god!" I said throwing my arms around him. "It sounds weird to say this because I was gone for a day but I missed you so much john." I said trying not to cry. "It's not weird Emily." John said laughing.

"Good. I love you, did you know that?" I told him. He laughed. "I love you so much more, I couldn't stand being away from you, we had one more show tonight but it got rained out and we couldn't do the show. I'm so happy to be here with you." He said putting his forehead against mine.

"We are going to go… Emily I'll leave my car I case you guys need it." Nikki said getting into lex's car. "Thank you guys so much!" I called out to them and they drove off. I turned around and john had a smirk on his face. "What?" I asked. He bent down and threw me over his shoulder. "Was this really necessary?" I asked. "Yes, you would've never done what I'm making you do right now." He laughed. He started walking up a path to a door.

"John where are we?" I asked laughing. He got out his keys and unlocked the door. "You'll see." John said. He set me down on a couch and I saw a family picture right above the TV. John, his 2 brothers, and his parents. I stood up and headed for the door but john stopped me. "John, are they home?" I whispered. "No, they aren't. But you could if you wanted too." He said cautiously.

"John I know you're lying." I said and reached for the handle. "My parents aren't home but my brothers are, please Emily." He whispered into my ear. Fuck him and him knowing my weakness. "I-I'll do it." I stammered. John laughed and placed his hands on my waist and pulled me closer. "I love you." He whispered. I looked up at him and just lost it.

He was so perfect in every single way. He was all mines by some twist of fate and I just couldn't control myself. I brought his lips to mine and he pulled me even closer. There was no room left between us. John stopped and pulled back with a sad expression on his face. "What john?" I asked him. "Do you really want to meet them? I'm sorry I pressured you but please answer honestly." He said not looking at me. I didn't really want to, I mean I love him but I would rather it be with his parents.

"Not now." I said in a small voice. "Thank god." John said letting out a bunch of air. "What?" I asked. "No don't take it the wrong way. I was just really nervous about you meeting them, I know that they'll love you but I just didn't know if you would love them." He said really fast. "I'm sure I will but I just need some time." I said putting my hand on the side of his face and he looked into my eyes. "I love you." He said smiling. "I love you too." I said as he led me out of his house.

"Well where should we go?" I asked him. "Show me your hometown." I said intertwining our fingers. John got a call and he answered. "Hey Kenny, Oh one sec." he lowered the phone. "Kennedy was wondering if you wanted to go to a party?" he asked me. I nodded and he smiled. "Sure, 8123?" john said. "Okay sees you there, bye." He said and hung up.

"What's at 8123?" I asked hm. "it's a parking lot we always used to hangout." He said smiling. We got into Nikki's car and I started driving to where john told me to. "It's funny how I have never really explored the town?" I said completely oblivious to where we were going. "You haven't?" he said looking at me. "Not really, I have been too busy with school and sorority." I said to him.

"What are you majoring in?" he asked. We never have really talked about it. "Criminology and Criminal Justice" said smiling. "wow." He said shocked. "What?" I laughed. "I didn't think you were into all of that, that's tough." He said laughing. "It really is, it takes so much studying and with the sorority I have no social life." I laughed. "Well I guess I will have to help you." He laughed. "Thank you so much." I said laughing.

"Okay this left and we will be there." He said getting excited. I smiled at him and pulled into the parking lot. "You ready?" he said as I parked the car. "Yes john I am." I laughed. He was so excited and it was terribly adorable. We got out of the car and started walking towards the party.

"John ohh!" some guys said coming up to john. "Hey guys! This looks so cool, I miss it here." He said smiling. "Well you should come back dude! Who is this lovely lady?" one of them said looking at me. "This is my girlfriend Emily." He said referring to me. I smiled and john put his arm around me. "You go to asu right?" the dark haired one asked.

"Yeah, you look familiar. Are you Greek?" I asked. "Yeah, I've seen you around, weren't you and Liam together?" he asked. I felt my body tense up when he said his name. "Oh yeah, that was a long time ago." I said to him. He raised one eye questioningly. "Hey john how about we go get something to drink." I said glaring at the guy. John said goodbye to the guys and we walked away.

"You don't really want a drink do you?" john said pulling me back. "No, I do." I said trying to change the subject. "Emily I know what this is all about." He said making me look at him. "Look, I don't want to get into this right now john, let's just party and have fun tonight." I said smiling and holding out my hand. He took it and pulled me close. "I love you. But you are going to tell me someday." He said kissing me.

He didn't kiss me like he usually did, this one was full of passion, the kind of passion that makes you never want to stop, not the forceful kind. To say the least, I loved it. John pulled away and smiled. "Yeah, another day." I said pulling him back. I felt like I was at one of those frat parties without a care in the world. "Hey guys, I guess you wanted to know why we brought all of you here." I heard a familiar voice on the microphone.

"Fuck." John said as he pulled away. "What?" I asked him confused. "I totally forgot why Kennedy wanted us here." He said pointing towards Kennedy on the microphone. "What do you mean?" I asked hm. "we are supposed to do a 'were home' concert tonight." He said looking sorry. "It's okay. Go!" I Said over Kennedy talking.

John grabbed my hand and brought me towards the stage. "John, no." I said stopping. "Emily, just for listen to your heart, please." He begged. He said that song was dedicated to me because of Alex. "John. Please don't do this." I said to him and he let my hand go.

I found my way to front center of the crowd and got johns attention. I touched my necklace and john smiled. I smiled at him and he started the show. "Thank you all so much for coming out. The people that are here today all have a special place in our hearts,whether it be by blood or just some fucking good times that were had at this place right here." John said holding up his cup.

"I remember when we were in the garage practicing and now we are on tour and working on our next album. We're coming up on 4 years guys. This has been amazing and I hope we will still be torturing you with our sound for many more years to come." He finished with a smile.

Everyone in the crowd cheered and the guys started the show. About halfway through the show the sun was setting and it was the perfect scene for a perfect night, Surrounded by johns friends and family. Wait, family? John mentioned earlier that people related by blood were here. I started panicking and my mind was racing. I already told john I didn't want to meet them.

"Hey guys this is going to be our last song, it's an older one but it was written about the very ground you are standing on, it's called 'we all roll along' and it goes a little like this." John said. Was it really the last song? I thought it was only halfway through. John and the band started playing and the crowd all sang along. I started singing too and john smiled. After john got done he came off of the stage and wrapped me in a hug.

"Thank you." I said smiling. "For what?" he laughed. "For surprising me." I said intertwining our fingers. "It was my pleasure." He kissed my forehead and my phone went off. It was a text from Nikki reminding me I was late for curfew. "John I'm so sorry. I have to go. Curfew and such." I said giving an apologetic smile.

He walked me to Nikki's car and picked me up and set me down on the hood. "Do you want to come with me?" I said smiling. "I thought I couldn't." he said confused. I pulled him closer by his shirt. "I think I could make an exception." I said and kissed him. I leaned back onto my elbows and john came down with me.

"I would love to but my parents expect me home. If I show up in the morning wearing the same clothes it might be a little awkward." He laughed. I sat up and let out my breath. "Okay. Well then I have to go." I said standing up. John took my hand and spun me around. "But we have all of tomorrow." He said and gave me a short kiss. I smiled and bit my lip. "That we do." I said and got into the driver's seat.

When I got to the house it was dead silent except for some sophomores watching a scary movie. "Emily comes watch it with us!" they said softly trying not to wake anyone up. I walked over to them and sat down. "Tell us all about your boyfriend! We looked him up online and he is gorgeous!" one said while pausing the movie. I told them all about him and I started getting tired. "Well pae pae is waiting for you in your bed and you look like you're about to pass out." they laughed and I went up to my room.

When I opened the door I didn't wake Nikki and just fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

"Cause the tensions like a fi-I-ire" I heard someone sing. I opened my eyes and saw Alex sitting on my bed. "ALEX!" I said crying as I brought him into a hug. "What are you doing here?" I said wiping my eyes. "We have a show here today….. You really need to look at the dates….." jack said walking in with a bag of chips. I got up and gave jack a hug. "I missed everyone!" I said into jack's chest. "Zack and Rian are setting up. It's just us." Alex said joining the hug

"BOYS ON THE FLOOR!" Nikki said as she slipped on the wood floor in her towel. Alex went over and held out his hand. "You must be nikki, my sister's big sis?" he said turning up the charm. He helped her up and she nodded. "Alright Alex keep your dick in your pants and let her get dressed." I laughed as I escorted them out.

"So are you coming to the show?" jack said excited. "John and I might have had plans but I'm sure he will understand." I said as jack put his arm around me. We got down to the living room and pae-pae started barking at Alex. I made her sit and Alex looked sad.

"Why doesn't she like me but she likes jack?" he said laughing as jack rolled on the floor with pae pae. "I don't know. Just how she is." I laughed as I sat next to Alex on the couch. "Lindsey is coming to the show today. Zack and her have gotten really close. "Alex said with a sigh.

"What's wrong Alex?" I said as I fixed his hair. He seemed like something was bothering him. "Nothing." He said tightening his jaw. "Alex William gaskarth, tell me what is wrong." I said in a hushed voice. "Emily just drop it. Nothing is wrong." he said while getting up and pae pae went wild. Jack got her to be quiet and Alex rolled his eyes.

"I have to go to the hotel and get ready for tonight. Jack why don't you stay here and hangout with Emily." He said and gave me a long hug goodbye. "I love you Alex." I said and his body seemed to relax. "I love you too. We still have tonight." He said as he broke the hug. He kissed me on the cheek and walked out the door.

I heard laughs come from girls behind me and I turned around. Jack was pinned down to the floor with pae pae on top of him. "Come." I said and she came to my side. The girls went back upstairs and I sat down on the couch and let out a big sigh. "Now what's wrong with you?" jack said sitting by me.

"What is wrong with Alex?" I asked him. "He needs a girl. Not a one night stand, a girl that he can have a relationship with. With you, zack, and Rian in relationships he feels lonely." Jack said seriously. "You don't think he means Nikki?" I said in a hushed voice. "He could. They have been talking on the phone all the time." Jack said putting two and two together.

"We are going to set them up." I said smiling. "Okay how?" jack asked getting excited. "Is there going to be a party? We could set them up there." I said and jack smiled. "Perfect." He said with a smirk. "Okay so now I have to get Nikki away from nationals long enough to go out and have a fun time." I said looking at my phone.

It is 1:15. "Do I really sleep for that long?" I said laughing. Jack nodded and laughed. "Wait so when do you guys have to go on?" I asked. "We go on at 4:30. Don't worry we can still hangout." Jack said putting his finger on my nose. "I feel like a cat when you do that. I hate cats." I said and tried to bite his finger

"So tell me all about Lindsey and zack! I can't believe zack found a girl….." I said laughing. "Well they go out on actual dates. Which you know is really hard. Brooks wasn't too happy, you know because of the whole douchebag of the week thing, but he came to terms with zack and they are happily married the end." Jack said like a story book teller. "Wait...married?" I said with my mouth open. "I was joking about the married part. They are a cute couple though." Jack said laughing

"Good. I know zack can be a little, you know, but he wouldn't do anything like that." I said playing with jacks shoes. "You are going to get marks on them!" he whined. "Jack you have more shoes than I do, shut up." I said and leaned my head back. "Let's go do something fun." Jack said sighing in boredom. "Like what?" I said looking over at him. "Do you want to walk around warped and see what we can do?" he said. "Sure let me go get changed." I said and got up.

"Okay ill just be down here waiting." Jack said as he stretched out on the couch. Went upstairs and got dressed in this:

"I want a long live the reckless and the brave tank top." I said coming down the stairs. "But with boobs we get more free stuff." Jack said with a pout. "Sorry but I'll take it off when it gets too hot." I said ruffling jack's hair. "Fine then. "Jack said glaring at me.

We got in my car and drove down to camelback ranch where it was set up. "You want to go find Alex or just walk around?" jack asked. "Well I want that tank top." I said. "Let's go to the bus then." Jack said while getting out. We made our way to the busses without fans mobbing jack.

"Emily?" I heard Rian say from behind me. I turned around and a smile came across his face. "Come here!" he said. I ran up to him and gave him a tight hug. "I thought you were busy with sorority things?" he said smiling still. "My brother and jack managed to steal me away." I said as zack came off the bus.

I smiled and ran towards him. "Zack!" I yelled as I jumped on his back. "Emily is that you?" he said looking at me. "yepp. Live for one night only!" I said in an announcer voice. "Well then we have to party hard tonight!" he said as I climbed off of his back. "I'm going to go in and get one of my brother's tank tops then I'll be right out okay!" I said as I climbed onto the familiar bus.

"Zack what do you need?" Alex said from the bathroom. "It's not zack." I said with a smile on my face. Alex came out of the bathroom with shaving cream on his face. "I thought you were just coming to the show!" he said coming to hug me. "Jack decided we would go around and have some fun. Don't shave, your peach fuzz brings all the ladies." I said as he got shaving cream on my face.

"Why would you need to worry about my ladies?" he looked at me suspiciously. "No reason." I said walking towards his suitcases. "Do you have any of your new tanks?" I said looking through one bag. "Other bag I have a grey and a black." He said sighing. "Isn't it weird that you are so small I fit into your clothes?" I said putting the shirt over my head.

"Maybe you're just fat." He said wiping off his face. "I'm big boned!" I joked. "It runs in the family." He patted his stomach and I rolled my eyes. "Well I'm off to play with jack." I said like a kid. "Be home before the streetlights come on." Alex said. I rolled my eyes and hopped off the bus.

"Are you ready?" I said to jack. "You want to do an acoustic set?" jack said smiling. "Maybe." I said to jack. "Pretty please?" jack said with a pout. "Fine. 2 songs and I'm done." I said seriously. "Yay. Wait right here." He said as he went into the bus. He came out with my special guitar. "Let's go." He said putting his sunglasses over his eyes.

As we walked towards the merch table jack got a crowd following him. Jack stole a stool from the table and sat in front. "My friend Emily and I are going to do 2 songs for you. "Jack said strumming the guitar. "Lullabies and Vegas?" I said to the people standing with cameras ready. They all cheered and I smiled.

We made it halfway through lullabies and I saw a tall figure standing in the back. When we finished he took off his sunglasses and I smiled. Before I could say anything jack started with the next song. I got through the song and jack started signing and taking pictures. A few people came up to me too and asked for a picture. I smiled and watched a camera flash a couple of times before I saw him standing right in front of me.

"I didn't know that you would be here!" I said throwing my arms around john. "I was in the neighborhood and decided to drop by." He said and brought his lips down to mine. "Emily get nikki down here!" jack shouted from across a sea of people. I took my lips off of johns and looked at jack. He was getting swallowed by the crowd.

"I'm so sorry. I have to help hm." I said apologetically. "No worries." John smiled and I walked over to help jack. "Can I please get to him!" I shouted as I fought through fans. I got to jack and he held onto me for dear life. "Everyone back the fuck off!" I screamed, clawing my way out with jack. Security was there too but they didn't do much help. We got out and I couldn't find john.

"I have to go to sound check." Jack said sadly. "Are you okay?" I said fixing his hair. "Yeah I'm fine. Just be at the show okay." he said smiling. I nodded my head and he handed me my guitar and left. I started walking back to my car and john was waiting for me. "Sorry the security kicked me out of there." He said. I smiled and put my guitar in the back seat. "It's okay." I said smiling.

"So what is next on the to do list for today?" he asked leaning against my car. "I'm setting Alex up with nikki." John put his hands on my waist and brought me closer. "I love you." He said smiling. "I love you too." I said cautiously.

Something was going on with john. He was acting strange. First with showing up randomly by himself, randomly saying I love you. I brushed it off and kissed him quickly.

"I'll go get Nikki; you can come if you want." I said with a hopeful smile. "I'll just meet up with you later. The guys wanted me to hang out with them." He said sticking the toe of his boot in the gravel. "Okay see you then." I said and he gave me a quick kiss goodbye and I got in my car.

Once I pulled out of warped I couldn't help but feel something was seriously wrong.


	11. Chapter 11

"Wait so are you setting me up with your brother?" a slightly drunken Nikki said at the after party. "Yeah I am, I just have to find him first." I said looking around for my brother. "So are you sure he likes me?" she said putting down her beer. "Positive." I said as I spotted my brother getting another drink at the bar.

"Okay now see him at the bar?" I said pointing. "Pink hair, skinny jeans, really hot?" she said biting her lip. "Okay gross but yes." I said and she walked over to him. She sat down next to him and flashed her smile and batted her eyelashes. The same way she taught me to flirt with guys. I smiled as I saw him turn and smile and they started laughing.

"I told you I would meet up with you later." I heard john whisper into my ear. I smiled as his arms snaked around my waste and his lips danced on my neck. He turned me around and I bit my lip. "Do I get a prize?" he said. "Maybe." I said with a smirk.

His fingers looped around my belt loops and he pulled me so there was no space between us. "What will that prize be?" he said in my ear. I put my arms behind his neck and he put his hands in my back pockets. "me." I said and he smiled. I brought his lips down to mine and kissed him. I bit down on his bottom lip and tugged on it playfully.

"Do you want to go back to the bus?" he said looking into my eyes. I snuck my hand into my back pocket and took his hand out. I nodded and he led me towards the bus. When we closed the door john turned round and crashed his lips into mine. I put my arms around his neck and we stumbled into the front room of my brother's bus.

John brought my legs around his waist and we ran into the wall. I leaned my head back and took off my shirt as john kissed my chest. He took me off of the wall and walked over to the back room with me still around his waist.

"You have one don't you?" I asked him as he set me down. "Shit." He said digging in his pockets. I smiled and crawled over to a jar on the night table. "Don't worry." I said taking a square foil packet out and throwing it at john.

Jacks pov:

"Zack I'm gonna go see how Alex is doing." I said as I set my beer down and walked over to the bar. I saw Alex laughing and talking to Nikki and I smiled. He actually looked happy. I looked at my watch and it is 1:30. We have an early set tomorrow so I might as well go to bed.

I started walking over to the bus and saw the backroom light on. Everyone was out at the party. I saw a hand hit the window and slowly slide down. The curtain moved enough for me to see Emily's face and I noticed the feint shadow above her.

Through my drunken haze I figured out what was going on and looked away before I saw anything else. "Dude what's wrong?" Rian said as I came back to the party. "Emily, john" I said. I couldn't get the rest out. "What happened jack!" Zack said getting up. "Emily and john you know." I said. I couldn't say the actual words.

I felt like a five year old. Sex was a bad word just because I was talking about someone who was practically my younger sister. The only reason why I went up to Alex and tried to make a band was because Emily was his sister. Emily was a grade younger but she was beautiful. She still is beautiful.

We were each others first kiss because we didn't want it to turn out less than expected. After that kiss I knew I loved her. When we went on tour though, I knew it could never happen. The band came before girls and I swore to myself I would protect her and be her best friend. The day she left for college broke my heart. We got matching tattoos and she said that she will never forget her jack.

I love her but not how john loves her. I don't love her like Alex loves her, like how zack, Rian, and her parents love her. I love her as in I want her but I know I'll never have her so I'm forced to be the big brother. I haven't told anyone but zack. It hasn't been _killing_ me to see her with john but there are times I do get jealous. She is happy so I'm happy.

"Jack it's okay dude. I know it's a little gross to think about but your over reacting." Rian said zapping me out of my trance. "Yeah I know but you didn't see them actually doing it." I covered and laughed it off. "Well someone get me a beer since I can't go back to the bus." I laughed and leaned back.

Emily's pov:

"Oh my god." I said out of breath. That was nothing like a night with a frat boy. I'm pretty sure he has claw marks on his back.

"wow." Johns said also out of breath. He looked at me and I put my head on his chest. We stayed in that position until john spoke. "This reminds me of our first date after what happened." He said. I lifted my head and looked at him questioningly. "In what way, shape, or form does us having sex remind you of me in a cast?" I laughed. He started to laugh uncontrollably and I laughed with him.

"You couldn't do anything so I came over and we just laid in your bunk with your head on my chest." He said once he got his breath. I smiled and got up to look for my clothes. "We better get back to the party before my brother and Nikki come back." I said and john got up.

"Alex come back we need to tell you something!" I heard jack say. "No I need to get my phone. Just wait a second." I heard my brother open the bus door and I froze. "Shit." John and I said at the same time. We raced and got out clothes on and I heard Alex's phone go off.

John went into the bathroom and I got Alex's phone. "Here you go." I said cheerfully as Alex came in. "What are you doing in here?" Alex said as I handed him his phone. "Just thought I would drop by and see if I couldn't find my eyeliner." I lied. "Oh okay." Alex said suspiciously. "You go back to Nikki and I'll make sure to say goodbye before I leave okay." I said with a smile as Alex left.

"Wait I meant to ask you, how are things going with the sorority?" he said while sitting down on the couch that 10 minutes ago john and I were lying naked on. "Things are going okay, really busy, you should talk to Nikki about that really." I said trying to get him out. "Oh yeah I almost forgot. Well make sure to say goodbye before you leave." Alex said with a hug.

I let out a sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him. "The coast is clear." I said and john came out of the bathroom. "Oh my god my life flashed before my eyes." John laughed. "Let's just go back to the party." I said. "I'm just going to go home. I'm tired and it's getting pretty late." He said. He gave me a kiss and left the bus.

I understood where he was coming from but I couldn't help but feel sad. He just left me. I shook it off and walked off the bus. "Emily!" a drunken jack said giving me a hug. "Barakat!" I said hugging him. "You smell like sex." He said. "You're so funny." I said and rolled my eyes. "I caught you and your boy toy troy in our bus." He said with a smirk. "Please don't tell anyone." I said in a hushed voice.

"Don't worry baby. Your secret's safe with me." He said with a wink. "Thank you jack." I said giving him a hug. "I'm going to leave." I said. "Alex is at the bar." He said. I smiled and made my way to the bar. "Alex I'm going to leave." I said giving him a hug. "Emily warped is almost over. I'm going to come down and visit you more often I promise." he said. "You don't have to promise me that Alex." I said laughing, "I haven't seen you in 3 years Emily. I'm making a promise." He said seriously.

I smiled and said goodbye and left to my car. I hummed to mayday parade as I drove down the dark roads. Was there something wrong with john and me? How could there be something wrong just after a month? No Emily there is nothing wrong. This is what I do. I wreck a beautiful thing and then I lose it.

I parked on the street and my hand hovered over the keys. I decided against getting out and put the car in drive. I drove through the dimly lit streets to a place that was as familiar as my bedroom. I drove slower as I went over the winding gravel roads but smiled when I saw the moon through the break in the trees.

I parked my car and turned it off. With the engine dead I could hear the birds and the soft lapping of the waves on the edge of the lake. This was my sanctuary. I came here every year on Tom's birthday and the anniversary of his death. I just sat on the soft ground and thought about life.

I took my shoes off and sat at the edge of the lake. The water ran over my toes and I smiled. The smell of the lake was intoxicating. It didn't smell of fish. It smelt pure. The moon lit up the fog that laid over the lake and it was breathtaking. "I don't want anything to be wrong." I said as I threw a stone into the lake. "I want Alex to stay" "I want to know if staying in the sorority is the right choice." I said and I threw in 2 more stones.

I heard my phone start ringing in my car and I jumped up to answer it. "Hello" I said on the last ring. "Hello Ms. Gaskarth. This is hopeless records." A man said.


	12. Chapter 12

The next day.

"John can I come over? I have some really really good news!" I said happily. I haven't told anyone about hopeless wanting to work with me. "Well I can't wait to hear it!" he said happily. "I'll be right over then." I said and I hung up. I got my keys and walked downstairs. "Where are you going?" Nikki asked. "I'm going over to john's I'll be back soon." I said with a smile. She nodded and I left.

I couldn't wait to tell john. He will be so happy. We have been talking about what I wanted to do after college and I've been more open to pursuing music. It's my talent. I would rather be doing that then stuck in some office as a lawyer.

I got to johns house and he was waiting out in front. "Hello there." I said with a smile. "Hello beautiful." He said. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. "I can't stop thinking about last night." He said. "Me neither." I laughed. He gave me a quick kiss and I kissed his cheek. "I love you." He said. "I love you too." I said smiling. Maybe everything was okay. I just psyched myself out. John and I are perfect.

"So what did you want to tell me?" he asked. "Oh my god I almost forgot!" I said as we walked into his house. "You will never guess who called me last night!" I squealed with excitement. "Who?" he asked. "Hopeless records." I said. I can't even believe the words coming out of my mouth. "Oh my god Emily that's awesome!" he said wrapping me in a tight hug. "I actually need to tell you something of a similar topic." He said a little sad.

"John what is it?" I asked. "The boys and I have decided to produce this next record on our own, apart from the label. I don't know I'm just scared that we won't be able to do it. Worse comes to worse we go crawling back to the label and produce some shit of an album." He said with fear in his voice. "Everything is okay john. It will be fine." I said holding his hand.

He took his hand away and had a pained expression on his face. "John what's wrong?" I asked. "Emily I'm going to be gone for a year." He said. " okay we can still keep in touch." I said with a smile. Please don't be going in the direction it feels like. "I don't want to." I said not looking at me. "What do you mean john." I asked. "Emily you know what I mean." He said. I just sat there silently. "Emily I want to break up." He said softly.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It felt like a train just hit me in the gut. My head was spinning and there was 3 johns sitting in front of me. I just sat there in shock. "But you just said you loved me." I said looking at him. I couldn't cry. I wanted to so bad but I couldn't. "I'm sorry." He said looking down. "Don't you even fucking say that." I said raising my voice. He looked at me in shock.

"Don't you even say you're sorry. You want this. Shove that apology up your ass." I said getting up. "Emily please don't be mad." He said. "How can I not be mad? This is the night at the club all over again john! You're a fucking prick! I can't believe I was so stupid! I just sat here while you never changed. You're still that little boy in a band who gets what he wants for a night and leaves in the morning." I said with the tears still not coming.

"When I get back-"he tried saying, "I won't be waiting." I said as I opened the door to leave. "Hope you get a nice song out of this john. You did the wrong thing to the right girl." I said quoting his lyrics. He got up from the couch and I felt the necklace on my neck. "Oh yeah and take this back." I said while I unhooked the necklace and let the JCOV slip off of the chain tom gave me. I tossed john the charm and walked out of his door, shutting it behind me.

I ran to my car and got out of his driveway as fast as I could. "My phone started ringing and I answered it. "Hello" I said. "It's nikki." She said. "Nikki what's up?" I said trying to focus on the road. "The people from the college are here sorting out everything. Get here now." She said. "Nikki I'm not going there anymore." I said. "What do you mean?" she asked. "I'm leaving the sorority." I said.

I hung p and parked on the street outside the house. I got in and Nikki came running out of the house in her high heels. "What the fuck do you mean?" she said with rage in her eyes. "John broke up with me and other opportunities presented themselves." I said. "You are seriously telling me that just because some band loser broke up with you that you're going to quit college." She scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"My brother is one of those band losers." I said with anger starting to kick in. "He isn't in some no name band." She laughed. "Just let me get my stuff and go." I said. "Where do you think you're going to go? Your brothers on tour." She said. "I still have my parents." I said pushing past her. "Then what? You can't have an actual job?" she said laughing. I rolled my eyes and walked into the house. The people from nationals were there and I just gave them a polite nod and went upstairs to pack my things.

I won't let him get to me. This is what he wanted. If he is happy then im happy.


	13. Chapter 13

"Mom I should be home today." I said while looking out of my hotel window. For the past 3 days I have seen nothing but cars and I can't wait to be home. I've talked with hopeless records and they wanted me to fly in next week to record demos. I told my family and the boys couldn't be happier.

I finished my call with my mom and brushed my teeth. It was 8 in the morning and I was almost ready to leave. When I finished brushing my teeth I got a call from Alex. "Hey em since warped ended today and us boys are on our way home I was wondering if you wanted to meet up some place? We are going to get in exactly when you do and we are going to be on the same roads so neither of us would be going out of the way." He said.

"Yeah sure Alex where did you have in mind?" I asked while walking towards the elevator with my overnight bag. "I'll text you the address." He said and then he had to leave. I got in the elevator and was happy when I saw I was alone. I hate the awkward elevator ride with other people.

Before I checked out something caught my eye, a man with a bright pink streak in his hair was sitting at a table with a menu. I looked at the address and went over to the checkout counter. "Excuse me what is the address of the hotel?" I asked. She recited the address Alex sent me. "Thank you." I smile and walked over to the man at the table.

"You sneaky bastard." I said as I sat down. "You figured me out!" he said as he put his menu up. "Where are all the others?" I asked. "They are on the tour bus. Probably 30 miles away." He said taking a sip of water. "Alex I don't have room in my car." I said. "That's why I put some of your stuff on the bus." He said smiling. "You broke into my car?" I asked. "Your passcode was-." He started but stopped when he realized what he was going to say.

My passcode was 8123 for john. "Yeah I need to change that." I said taking a sip of water and the waiter came around. We ordered and the waiter left. "So I'm really happy that you're going to be signed with hopeless." He said smiling. "We don't know anything for sure Alex." I said. I still couldn't believe hopeless came to me and asked me.

"They're going to make an offer Emily." Alex said rolling his eyes. "So why did you come here?" I asked. "I wanted to see my sister and talk about recent events." He said. I knew he didn't just want to talk about hopeless. "Ask away." I said. "How did it happen?" he asked. "I went over to tell him about hopeless and he told me how they were making the next album apart from the label because they didn't want to make the same old songs and the label wouldn't agree." I said. "Okay and then what?" Alex asked.

"We wouldn't have been able to speak for a year. I wanted to keep in touch, he didn't. Plain and simple." I said as our food got here. "So just like that? Everything just ended?" he said in disbelief. "Not without me telling him off because he said he was sorry." I said as I took a bite of food. "That my sister." Alex said smiling. I rolled my eyes. "Definitely am." I laughed

"So how late did you get in last night?" he asked. "3 in the morning." I yawned. "Yeah I'm driving home." He said finishing his food. "Thank you." I said taking the last bite of food I could. "Are you really done?" he asked. "I'm stuffed." I said looking down at my barely touched plate.

Alex laughed and paid. "I'll go check out. Here are my keys." I said tossing him the keys. I walked up to the desk to check out and he brought the car around front. After I checked out I lazily got into the car. "You sleep" he said softly putting my music on. I put my head on my arm and shut my eyes. I drifted asleep to Alex's voice. Just like when we were younger.

"EMILY WAKE THE FUCK UP WE'RE HOME!" Alex screamed. I swung my arm out and hit him in the chest. "I hate you." I said opening my door. "Love you too." He said. I got out and walked into my familiar house. "Mom and dad I'm home." I said. "Emmy!" jack said running to give me a hug.

"jack." I said with a smile and my eyes closing. I was still really tired. "You sound really tired." He said while still hugging me. "That's because I am." I said burying my face in his chest. "Can I just go to sleep here? Thanks." I joked. He lifted me up slightly and put my feet on top of his. We walked over to the living room and I was crowded into a group hug. "Shhhh she's sleeping." Jack laughed.

His laugh boomed in his chest and it tickled my cheek. I opened my eyes and saw my mom and dad and the boys. "Hello" I smiled. I got off of jacks feet and hugged my parents. "Welcome home sweetie." My mom said. "I'm glad to be home." I laughed.

"Emily we were all going to go swimming at jacks new house." Alex said. "I'll be over there in like thirty minutes. I think mom and dad have some things they want to talk about." I said and my parents nodded. I gave them all a hug goodbye and they left.

"So tell us about Hopeless!" my dad said excited. "Well they called me and we worked out a deal where I will go up there next week to record some songs and if they like it then they will sign me." I said plain and simple. "When is your flight?" my mom asked. "Monday at 7pm." I said. "Do you want me to drive you?" My mom asked. "Sure that's fine with me." I said shrugging.

"Okay you can go hangout with the boys. I know it's killing you." My dad said rolling his eyes. "Not a thing has changed." My mom laughed. "I love you guys." I said hugging them. I walked upstairs and found my suitcases in my bedroom. I went through them and got my blue with white polka dots bikini and put that on under my sweats and a t-shirt. "Okay I'm leaving. I'll be back by dinner." I said leaving.

Jack texted me the address and His house wasn't far. Everything seemed to be going back to normal. At least for a week anyways.


	14. Chapter 14

"Take that you pussy!" I heard jack yell. I heard what probably was a foam noodle hit someone. I walked in and they all had confused looks. "I have a swimsuit on under guys geez." I laughed. Alex snuck up behind jack and hit him in the head with a noodle. They continued with fighting and I stripped down.

I sat down on the edge of the pool and stuck my feet in. "Well get in." zack said. "But my hair." I said shrugging my shoulders. Zack started wading over to me and I brought my feet in. "Zack please no." I said laughing. "Sorry." He said and he grabbed me by the waist and picked me up. "Why do you always have to man handle me?" I asked. "You're so tiny and you're like a toy that's why." He said while he put me in the water.

"Now for your hair." Zack said. "Za-"I got out before I felt someone tackle me into the water. "JACK" I screamed into the water. He kissed my cheek underwater and smiled. I stuck my arms out and he picked me up wedding style and we broke the surface. "I have my own transporter." I said with my arm around him.

"Glad to see your makeup showed up too." Rian said. I looked down at my cheeks and saw they were black. "I'm going to kill you jack." I said. He just put on his goofy smile and put me down. I put my face in the water and tried to rub all of the makeup off. "Am I good?" I asked. "Thank god there's no more clown. You started to scare me." Alex said. "You're so mean." I said pretending to cry.

"I want to do chicken fights." Zack said. "Zack you're going to kill us." I said looking at his arms. He just smiled and I rolled my eyes. "Zack s the referee." I said. Everyone laughed except for zack who put on a fake frown. "I want to be with jack." Alex said. Rian motioned for me to get on his shoulders and I did.

"Are you like 20 pounds?" Rian laughed. "Shut up." I said. "I'm 30." I laughed. Jack got on Alex's shoulders and zack got a shirt as a flag. "Okay ready, go!" zack said and flung the shirt in the water. Rian charged towards Alex I stuck my arms out. "Well hello there." Jack said as Rian forced me 2 inches away from jacks face. "Hello to you too." I laughed while wrestling jack.

"I'm not going down." Jack said with a smirk. "You wanna bet?" I asked. "No just beating you will be enough." He said laughing. I leaned in and pecked him on the lips really fast and he fell down. "I win." I said with a smile and looking down at jack. He winked at me and I rolled my eyes. Rian let me down and I walked over to jack. "Did I beat you too hard?" I joked. "Not at all." He said still smiling. "Why are you still smiling?" I laughed.

I couldn't help but smile along with him. We all continued with the chicken fights and it started getting late. I realized I blew the whole "I'll be back by dinner" thing. "I think I'm done for the day." Rian said getting out. "Me too." Alex said with zack following them. "We are going to go inside and play Xbox." Zack said as they wall went inside. "Zack got my shirt wet." I said with a frown. "Just take mine." Jack said handing me his JAGK shirt.

I put it over my toweled off body and slipped on my sweatpants. "Do you really want to go inside?" jack said lying down on his lounge chair. "Not really. You can actually see the stars tonight." I sad lying down next to him. "I'm getting bored with Xbox too." He said shivering. It had gotten pretty cold out and he didn't have a shirt on. "Here" I said lifting his arm and putting my head on his chest.

"How are you so warm?" he asked laughing. "Arizona does things to you." I said with a smile. "I'm glad you left there." Jack said. "Why?" I asked. "You're away from that douchebag and I missed you." He said I looked up and he looked down at me. "Thank you." I said smiling. "For what?" he laughed. "You are the only one that has said anything bad about him." I said smiling. Finally there was someone who hated him as much as me.

"You know I'll always think that." Jack said nervously. "Why?" I asked. He didn't answer. I propped myself up on my elbow and asked again. "Why?" I said. He didn't even look at me. I put my hand on the side of his face and turned his head. "Why?" I said softly. Jack leaned in and crashed his lips into mine.

I kissed him back and he smiled. I gave him one last kiss before we parted. "That's why." He said smiling. "Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked. "I couldn't." he said. "Because of the band." He finished. I looked down and smiled. "That was my reason too." I said. Jack and I couldn't be together though. "I'm leaving jack." I said. This felt exactly like three years ago.

~ I was over at jack's house and we were watching a movie. The movie had ended and we were lying down on his couch slowly falling asleep. "I want you to stay." Jack whined. "My parents might let me stay the night. They think you're gay." I laughed. "Why?" he said softly. "You're in a deep bromance with my brother." I laughed. Jack started playing with my long hair. "Well I'm not." He laughed.

"Jack I'm leaving." I said softly. "Why do you have to go so soon? I thought you were spending the night?" he asked. "No not tonight. In a month." I said. Summer was drawing to an end here in Baltimore and Tempe, Arizona awaited me. "Where?" he asked sitting up. "College." I said meeting his eyes.

"But all of our plans? "He said. "I know I'm sorry. I have to leave though." I said trying not to cry. I would never intentionally hurt jack. He was my best friend and I didn't want to leave him. They got signed last year to hopeless records and they were touring and making a new record. "You're the only thing I look forward too when I come home." He confessed. "Jack don't say that." I said letting a tear fall. I didn't want to leave him. Not now.

"Well its true Emily. I Love hanging out with you. I love you." He said. He wrapped his arms around me and held me. "I love you too jack." I said softly. I really hated that he only meant it as a friend. ~~

"I know." He said softly, snapping me out of my flashback. "I'll be back soon though." I said and he kissed my forehead. "Sing your heart out and give it everything you have." He said looking into my eyes. "I promise." I said smiling. "We still have 6 more days." Jack said as I rested my head on his chest, just listening to his heartbeat.

I shut my eyes and soon enough jack and I fell asleep outside, under the stars, with me in his arms. Most importantly, we were together.


	15. Chapter 15

"Emily wake up." zack said to me and left the room... I looked around and jack was still sleeping but we were in his bed. I tapped jack and he just turned over. I crawled over to him and started kissing his neck. He smiled but he didn't wake up. I started biting his ear and he turned over. He opened one eye and I leaned in. I touched my lips to his and he shut his eye. I put my hands on his lower stomach and kissed him rougher.

His eyes darted open and I fell down laughing. "Good morning." I said when I was done laughing. "That's a good way to wake up." he said rolling over so he was above me. He leaned down and kissed me just as rough as I kissed him. His hands found their way to the sides of my face and his tongue danced on my lips begging for entrance.

I parted my lips and our tongues seemed to dance together. Before I knew it there was a knock on jack's door. "Jack where's your food?" Alex said from behind the door. We pulled apart and I gave jack a quick kiss before we crawled off the bed. Jack opened the door and walked out to meet Alex. "In Your hand." He said looking down at the cereal bowl in Alex's hand. "Jack I need to talk to you." He said. Jack followed Alex out of the room and I sat down on the bed, knowing what Alex was saying to jack.

Alex's pov:

When I pulled jack out of the room I just looked at him. How could he do this to Emily? Right now she needs to focus. How could he do this to the band? I hated being the only one with a sister. "I'm not going to say I'm sorry for liking her." He said. I didn't want him to say he was sorry, I just wanted it to stop. "You don't need to say that, but you do need to say it will stop." I said sternly. "Alex you're my brother-"he started. "And she is my sister jack!" I said raising my voice.

He just stood there angry. He knew not to argue with me because it would get him nowhere. "Look, ill give you 3 days to find a way to have you both mutually end it. She needs to focus jack. Flyzik will hear about this." I said calming down a little. I didn't want to be angry at my best friend but I couldn't help it. "You're right." He said. "Thank you." I said opening my arms for a hug. He gave me a hug and then went back to the bedroom to get Emily.

Emily's pov:

Jack came back into the room with a smile trying to cheer me up. "I know what he said." I said while he wrapped his arms around me. I know why this couldn't work but I didn't care. "You'll always be my Romeo." I said sadly. "Don't drink the poison yet." Jack said. He put his finger under my chin. My eyes met his and I smiled. "I won't." I said and he leaned in. "good." He said as he picked me up by and put me on the bed.

"I told you that you didn't win yesterday." He said with a smile. I brought my knees to my chest and waited for him to tickle me. The bad part about knowing jack for so long is that he knew me so well. I felt his hands start at my hips but glide upwards. He wasn't tickling me but, feeling me?

I opened my eyes and he had a smile on. "Well hello there." He said and he kissed me softly. His kissed deepened as I relaxed my body. He trailed his kisses down my neck and I moaned as he hit the right spots. My hands found their way to the top of his shorts and I tugged them as I rolled over so I was on top. I bit his lip and tugged a little and he arched his back with my hands still tugging.

I trailed the kissed down his chest and his stomach and looked up with a smile when I got to where my hands were. I brought myself back up to where his face was and he had an 'I can't believe this is actually happening' look on. I brushed my lips past his ear and I felt him shiver. "Looks like I still won." I said in the sexiest voice I could.

He threw his head deeper into the pillow when he realized what I meant. I rolled over laughing and I felt his arms wrap around my waist and drag me back over. "Whatever." He said kissing my neck twice and cuddling with me. I rolled over and saw his eyes were closed. "I thought we just woke up." I said. "I'm too comfortable." He said. "And I was woken up and I am still tired.

I started playing with his hair and he smiled. "That feels nice." He said pulling me closer. "Go to sleep my Romeo." I laughed and he opened one eye. "Almost forgot!" he said while kissing my forehead. I smiled as he put his head back down. I softly sang to jack like how I always used too.

His breathing slowed and I could tell he was asleep. "Goodnight jack." I said as I closed my eyes and fell asleep in his arms.

"Emily, wake, up." I heard jack saying in-between kisses. "You were having a nightmare." He said softly. "It's okay." I said cupping the side of his face. "You scared me." He said. I noticed he had a frightened look on his face. "Did I wake you?" I asked. He shook his head and kissed my forehead. "What were you dreaming about?" he asked. "The accident." I said softly.

"It was worse this time though." I said remembering the dream. Jack pulled me close and I let a tear fall. "I was just standing there, the headlights started off small. I heard you calling my name and I just stood there. You tried to get me to move but you couldn't. I was just standing there as the headlights got bigger and bigger." I said full on crying. I was sitting up in jacks lap by now with him rocking me back and forth. He managed to make me not shake as bad.

"How often?" jack asked. "Jack I'm okay." I said. "How often?" he asked more sternly. "They got down to 4 times a week." I said still crying. "Well I'm here now." He said letting a tear fall. "I'm here." He repeated, calming me down. I texted my mom saying 'sorry I didn't come home I'm hanging out with jack all day'. He ran his finger down the scar on the back of my neck and I jumped. "Sorry you surprised me." I said as he kept running his finger down the length of it.

"Is this from the accident?" he asked. "Yeah" I said I stopped crying and shaking. He took his hand away and it sent shivers down my spine. "Can you keep doing that?" I asked and he laughed. "Sure" he said as his finger returned to my neck. "Do you still have the ones from freshman year?" he asked. I lifted my wrist and smiled. "nope." I said and he grabbed my wrist and kissed it. "Good" he said.

I leaned my head back and he wrapped his arms around me. I could stay like this forever. Alex gave us a time limit that I was getting more and more comfortable with. Even if I couldn't have jack romantically, I used to and still do have him as a friend.


	16. Chapter 16

"I'm hungry." I said as my stomach rumbled. We have been sitting in the same position just talking for the past hour or so. Sometimes we just sat in comfortable silence "Well then let's fix that." Jack said and I got up. "The boys all left this morning." jack said as he opened his door. "What do you want?" he asked behind me. He put his arms around my waist and his chin on my shoulder.

"Do you have lucky charms?" I asked. Jack laughed and went to go open the cupboard. "It our favorite." He said. Jack and I shared a lot. We were like the same person. He poured me a bowl and put it back. "Aren't you going to eat?" I said. "There's no more." He said while going into the fridge for some milk. "I'm just going to have a sandwich. "

I looked at the clock and it said 2:37. "Sorry for making you wait so long to eat." I said. He walked over and put his arms around my hips. "I liked just sitting there with you. You looked so calm and when I made you laugh I never wanted to get up." I blushed and he kissed me softly.

"Thank you for waking me up." I said and kissed his cheek. "Whenever you have a nightmare and I'm not there you call me okay." He said. "Jack I'm not going to call you every time." I said with a laugh. He looked sad and I gave him a hug. "But I'll always think of you to calm me down." I said into his chest. He kissed my hair and we pulled away to eat.

"So what do you want to do today?" he asked. "I don't know, what is there to do?" I asked. Before he could answer my phone was ringing. It was flyzik. He had aggreed to be my manager once Alex told him hopeless had interest in me. "Hello flyzik." I said. "Hello Emily, can you come in for a meeting today as soon as possible." He said flatly. "Sure I guess." I said confused. "Get out of jacks house,now." He said sternly before hanging up.

I slowly turned to jack and he looked nervous. "Whats wrong?" he asked. "flyzik is pissed." I said scared. I really didn't want to go in. Jack's face went white. "What do you think is going to happen?" I asked. I couldn't eat anymore so I put my bowl in the sink and washed it out. "do you think he wont be my manager anymore?" I asked. Jack just shook his head.

I could tell by the look on his face he was sad,really sad. "I have to go." I said while holding my arms out for a hug. Jack walked over and put his arms around me. "goodbye my juliet." He said. I moved my head deeper into his chest. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay in his arms. He kissed my forehead and unwound his arms. "I'll call you when im done." I said while walking to the door.

When I walked out of his door I felt like my heart was breaking. I'll miss him,but I'll live.

~later at the office. ~

"Hello Emily." Flyzik said when I walked in. "Hello." I said in a small voice. "sit,please." He said. I sat down and tried to look as confident as I could. "So lets start off with hopless, are you ready?" he asked. "I think im ready, Alex and the boys could help me." I said. "Alex will help you." He said. My smile faltered when I realized what he meant. "Of course." I said in aggreement. "Do you have your flight all booked?" he asked. I nodded and he smiled. "Great." He said.

"Now about what a little birdie told me." He said. I felt my stomach twist. "What happened to john?" he asked. "They are recording off of the album and he is going to be gone for a year. He thought it would be best if we split up so he could focus or something like that." I said flatly. "I have told this story so many times I an say it without feeling hurt.

"You understand why I have to do this?" he asked. "Yes." I answered. "Alex was just looking out for you." He said. "I know, look at where it got me last time." I said with tears coming to my eyes now. I should have just listened to Alex. If I would have listened to him then I wouldn't be heartbroken,listening to their records on repeat, and desperately trying to feel okay.

"Emily as your friend im really sorry this happened." He said. "thank you." I said trying not to cry. "keep your phone on you I might call you anytime." He said. "Okay." I said and got up to leave. Well that went better than expected. I walked out of the building and instantly called jack. "Emily?" he said. "Yeah." I said with a sniffle. "Is everything alright?" he asked. "No." I said once I got into my car.

"Do you want to come over?" he asked. "Not right now jack im sorry." I said while pulling out. I couldn't talk to jack about this. I missed john. No matter how hard I tried to stay strong and act like I didn't care, I still loved him. I missed how he would randomly say he loves me, how when he used to come up behind me, wrap his arms around me and whisper in my ear. I missed everything. "Okay Emily well im here whenever okay." He said. "Thank you jack. I have to go." I said and I hung up.

I pulled over to the side of the road and just cried harder than I ever have. The air stung my lungs as it entered. "Why did you leave!" I screamed to no one. " I need you john, I miss you so much." I said through my tears. I ddnt care if I looked like a crazy mess right now , I needed to admit it to myself. "I still love you." I said breathlessly. I put my head on the steering wheel and let the tears flow.

I hated feeling like this, like I was so vulnerable. I turned my car back on and angrly veered back onto the road. "I'm done." I said while going back home. I was done for right now. I had to focus on blowing away hopeless records.

When I got home I said hi and went straight to the basement to practice. When I ran my fingers over my old gutair I smiled. My mind never cleared though. It only cleared when I sang. All of that emotion was let out into my songs.

No matter where this coming week takes me, this will always be my home.


	17. Chapter 17

TWO YEARS LATER

"EMILY ITS YOUR FIRST WARPED!" jack said, waking me up. Yes I am preforming on warped this year. With the help of Alex, mayday parade, pierce the veil and Christopher drew, I managed to get big enough to make it on warped for most of the tour. I owe everything to my best friends who spread my name like they were dying.

I crawled out of my bunk and jack gave me a hug. Now to catch you up on that. Jack and I are just friends, we have gotten comfortable accepting that but sometimes we still act as though we are dating. He is more like a brother and I a sister.

"Kick some ass." He said still hugging me. "I will." I laughed. Jack and I walked out to the front room. "Good morning sister!" Alex said while running to give me a hug. The rest of the boys followed. "Why is everyone so happy this morning?" I asked. "It's your first performance day on warped!" zack said still crushing me with his arms.

"Here is your lucky charms." Jack said while handing me a bowl. I sat criss cross on the couch and watched TV with Rian. "Are you excited?" he asked. "Kinda." I said. "What's wrong em? You were so happy yesterday and now you're all bleh." He said. "I got an email from Flyzik the other day." I said. "About?" he asked. I took a deep breath before I answered. "Guess who was a late addition to warped." I said.

It only took him 2 seconds to know what I meant. "What the fuck!" he practically shouted. The boys and I all became very close the past two years and after I spilled every detail Rian took it the hardest. The whole bus went silent and I looked up. "I spilt some milk on him, carry on." I said. Everyone turned back around and I slapped Rian in the arm. "Nice job dipshit." I laughed. Rian rolled his eyes. "How did they get on warped?" he asked. "They've gotten pretty big as well Rian. They are sharing the same stage as us." I said. Rian scoffed.

"We gotta go to sound check." I said pulling him up from the couch. It was 2:30 already. I woke up really late. I put on some makeup and my outfit. Just skinny jeans and a JAGK t-shirt. They were comfortable!

I got my guitar and we walked off the bus. My guitar was the one jack gave me when I tagged along with them. I handwrote lyrics and quotes all over it to personalize it. "I can't believe you still have that." Alex said while putting his arm around me. "Why wouldn't I keep it?" I laughed. He just shrugged and we kept on walking.

"PIONEER 5 DOLLARS!" I heard pat screaming. "Emily!" pat said while running over to me. "Patty cakes!" I said while giving him a hug. Pat was the only one I kept in touch with. We were best friends from the start. "Congrats with hopeless and warped!" he said as we broke away. "Alex ill catch up with you soon okay." I said.

Alex gave me a wary look but walked off. "Thanks pat. It's hard work." I laughed. "Tell me about it." He joked.

John's pov~~

"Patty cakes!" I heard that familiar voice ring. I looked over and saw pat hugging some girl. "Who is that?" I asked Kennedy. "I don't know I didn't catch her name." he said with a shrug. "Hmm." I said. "Well hello there sexy." Kaityln said while walking up to the booth. "How much for you tonight?" she said with a wink. Kaityln is my girlfriend of 6 months last week.

I love her but not as much as I loved Emily. Look at how much I fucked that up. The first few months were horrible, me drinking away the days while we recorded. I'm still in somewhat of a depression you might say. I just hate myself for how I ended things. I could've at least done it more nicely.

Now she is all famous and we're still struggling. Karma is a fucking bitch.

"You get me all for free." I said giving Kaityln a soft kiss. "You better get to sound check." She said smiling as she hopped over the table. I looked at her as she bent down to pick up her phone. "Remind me to by you more of those shorts." I said and she playfully hit my arm. I gave her another kiss as we left for sound check.

"Let's go boys." I said as I put my sunglasses on.

Emily's pov~~

I took the stage before all time low. "Give me some of that vodka." I said reaching out for it. Jack placed the bottle in my hand and I took a shot straight from the bottle. "I'm ready." I said as I put my ear plugs in. I had my guitar in hand and I walked out onto the stage.

"Hello Houston!" I said with a big smile. "Well isn't it hot today?" I asked. "Jack can we trade shirts?" I said into the microphone. The crowd went wild as jack came on stage shirtless with his tank top in hand. "Can I take my shirt off? I'm wearing a cami underneath?" I asked. The crowd went wild and I took it off. "Well they can't do shit now." I said as I put on jacks shirt. "Wait jack come back!" I said as he started walking off.

"Everyone this is jack barakat." I said. "Her baby daddy." He finished. He kissed my cheek and rubbed my stomach. "If you aren't going to help then get off of my stage you faggot." I said to him. He smiled and walked off. "Sorry I used faggot. But jack is gay so it's okay," I said with a smile.

"Okay you guys came here for songs not to see me half naked. So here we go. 3, 2, 1!" I said counting myself off. The crowd sang along to every song and that made me smile. The fact that they knew every word to every song I played shocked me.

"Thank you guys so much. I'm Emily Rae Gaskarth, thank you Houston!" I said as I walked off stage. When I walked off stage I was in tears. "Emily what's wrong!" Alex said. "I'm just so happy!" I said. "They knew the words!" I said laughing. Jack gave me a hug and spun me around. "Emily Rae gaskarth I am so proud of you!" he said as he out me down.

He wiped away my tears and gave me one last hug. "We're celebrating tonight!" he said and it was time for them to go on. "Kill it." I said as he walked out in my shirt.

I wiped under my eyes, fixing my makeup and walked backstage. "Emily Rae gaskarth." Garrett said while leaning up against a wall. He started to clap and walked towards me. "You were amazing." He said with a laugh. "Thanks." I said awkwardly. I haven't really talked to Garrett since what happened.

"No seriously I love the new look and those songs were just perfect." He said, flashing a smile. "Thanks garebear." I said bringing back his old nickname. "Wow no one has called me that in 2 years." He laughed. "Hey I'll find you later, I have to go take a shower." I said and walked off.

I found my bag with my shower stuff and a change of clothes in it and I walked over to the shower. I changed and got clean while singing along with my brother onstage.

When I got out with a towel wrapped around me I almost slipped. I could recognize that denim jacket and combat boot outfit anywhere. I hurried into the bathroom without my bag and slammed the door behind me. "Hello? Can I get in there for a sec? I need to use the bathroom." I heard johns voice say. I froze with my hand on the doorknob. I had no use for the bathroom anyway. I had to get my bag which was in the room outside. I fixed my towel and opened the door.

CLIFFHANGER~~~~~~ sorry guys J but what will happen when john and Emily meet again?!


	18. Chapter 18

John's pov:

The bathroom door opened and Emily stood in front of me wearing only a towel. Just from the night in the bus 2 years ago I can still picture what it looks like underneath. She hurried past me and grabbed her bag and I went into the bathroom. Wow she looked different. She was the girl pat was talking to! She was the girl I just heard sing her heart out 10 minutes ago!

I came out and she was waiting by the door with her bag. "Hello Emily." I said with a smile. Kaityln flashed through my mind I put my smile away. I walked out and let her do her business. "Are you ready baby?" I heard Kaitlin's voice say. I turned around and saw her in a tank top from the merch table. "Don't worry I paid for it." She said while giving me a quick kiss.

"Well tonight is a hot one so I'm probably not going on with a shirt." I laughed. "Good." She said with a smile. Emily came out, fully clothed this time. She had to wait backstage to wait for Alex and them to get done so they could go to a signing. She sat down next to pat and they started talking. "Is that Emily Rae gaskarth?" Kaityln said with excitement. "Yeah." I said. "Does she know you? She seems pretty comfortable with pat." She asked.

"She is an old friend." I said flatly. "Oh my god. You're friends with THE Emily Rae gaskarth." She said in shock. "I guess." I said starting to turn away. "Can you please introduce me baby? It would mean the world to me." She said wrapping her arms around me. "She is talking to pat right now. I don't think it's a good time." I said. I really didn't want to talk to Emily right now.

She pulled on my front two belt loops and whispered in my ear. "If you do then there will be something waiting for you tonight." She whispered with a little laugh. "Fine, let's go." I said. She hugged me and we walked over to them. "Hello Emily." I said with a smile. "Hi." She said in a small voice. Kaityln was practically dying. "Um my girlfriend Kaityln really likes you and she wanted to meet you." I said.

Emily brushed the hair out of her face and flashed Kaityln a smile. "Hi and Oh my god. Where did you get those shorts?" Emily said giving Kaityln a hug. "Forever 21."Kaityln said nervously. "I am in love with them. We are definitely going shopping." Emily laughed. "Oh my god…. Really?" Kaityln said smiling.

"YOU ALWAYS BRING UP MY MOTHER!" jack said hitting Alex with a towel. "Hey where did Emily go?" Alex said. He looked over here and glared at me. "Emily lets go to the signing." He said while glaring at me. "Sorry Kaityln I gotta go but you should definitely ditch these boys and hang out with me sometime." Emily said with a smile and she walked off with her hands in her back pockets.

"Oh my god I just met Emily! I'm hanging out with her later!" Kaityln said jumping up and down as soon as they left. I smiled and laughed at how cute she was.

Emily's pov:

"Why was he near you?" Alex said angrily. "His girlfriend wanted to meet me. She is a fan. She is actually really cool." I said, putting my sunglasses on. "Alex just drop it." I said. "Emily I can't. After I got the call from mom and dad I'm never forgiving him." He said pulling me away for a second. "Alex drop it." I said sternly while lifting my sunglasses. I pulled my arm away and continued walking.

"That was 2 months ago Alex." I said while putting my sunglasses down. "Just let it go." I said as we got the table. My hand was shaking as I reached for the sharpie. My mind faded back to that night.

I slipped 2 pills into my mouth and swallowed. "This is for you john." I said softly as I slipped more in. I looked at my torn up wrist and took more. I pressed me cheek against the cool edge of the bathtub and smiled. This is what I wanted. The person I love doesn't want to ever see me again, Alex and them have been gone for tour for about a year. I'm 24 years old and still living in my parents' house.

If my music career is so good then why haven't I moved out yet? To all of my friends who say I'm good, fuck you for lying. I've read the comments on videos. I suck. I slipped more and more pills into my mouth. "I'm not going to fail this time." I said right before I blacked out.

When I woke up in the hospital my parents were there. They had found me shortly after I blacked out and raced me to the hospital. Alex flew back home whenever they had a day off to come and see me.

"Okay we are letting them through now" Flyzik said as the fans came. I glanced over to jack at the next booth at their signing. He flashed me a goofy smile and I stuck my tongue out at him. The people started coming in and I saw Kaityln coming up next. "Hey." I said. "Hey can you please sign my poster?" she asked. I smiled and gave her a picture and a hug and she left. Despite her being johns girlfriend she was actually pretty cool.

After my signing I went back to the bus to wait for the boys. "Emily wait up!" Someone said. I turned around and saw john walking towards me. I walked faster towards the bus but he ran up to catch me. "Can we please talk?" he asked. "What exactly would you like to talk about?" I said harshly. "H-how have you been?" he asked. I rolled my eyes and pulled on my bracelets. "Fine." I said. "I see you've been doing well." I said. "Yeah I guess." He said staring at something.

I turned to see what he was looking at and he grabbed my wrist. He pushed back the bracelets and looked up at me. "This is fine?" he said surprised. I tore my hand away and moved the bracelets back. "It's my life okay." I said. "Emily save that shit for someone who doesn't care." He said. "Oh so NOW you choose to care. " I laughed. "Where were you two years ago john." I said with tears forming. "Emily I'm sorry." He said desperately. "I thought I told you to save your 'I'm sorry'." I said with venom in my voice.

"Well I'm sorry I made you do that!" he said while picking up my wrist to show me. "Don't you dare touch her again." Alex said while coming up to us. "Alex why don't you just get out of her personal life?" john said. I rose my hand and I connected with his face. "Why don't you just get out of it." I said and he looked at me with anger.

"Alex I'll see you in a minute." I said. "I'm not leaving." He said. "Alex I said I'll see you in a minute." I said harshly. Alex went onto the bus and I stared john down. "What exactly did you want to accomplish by talking to me?" I said. "Emily I need to give you this back." He said holding out a charm. It was the JCOV charm. "Emily I still love you." He said. I slapped him again and the charm went under the bus.

"How fucking dare you!" I screamed in tears. "How fucking dare you. "I repeated while holding myself. My knees felt like they were going to fall out from under me. "You just think you can waltz up in here with your I'm sorry and your I love you?" I screamed again. "Emily what the fuck is going on?" zack said while walking up to me. "I hate you john Cornelius O'Callaghan the fifth! I hate you!" I said and zack put his arms around me. "You have exactly 2 seconds before I come after you." Zack said.

Through tears I saw john walking away and zack brought me onto the bus. "Emily." Alex started. "Dude just let her be." Zack said while he brought me to my bunk. "Thank you zack." I said and he wiped my tears. "Anything for you sissy." He said and gave me a hug. They all called me sissy. I was practically their sister. He closed the curtain and I let the tears come again.

I felt something soft come against my cheek and I saw someone pushing jacks stuffed bear in my bunk. "Jack it won't fit." I laughed. "Well then I will." He said while climbing into my bunk. He put his arms around me and kissed my cheek. "It's all right." He said while his hair brushed the back of my neck. "It's okay." He said and I squeezed his hand. His thumb passed the scars and I smiled.

"You remembered." I said and turned around to face him. "Yes I did." He smiled. I gave him a hug and sighed. "Is everything really going to be okay?" I said softly. "I promise." He said. "I won't let him hurt you again." He said with tears in his eyes. "I'm never getting that call again." He said while putting his hands on the side of my face. "Never" I said re assuring him.

We laid back down and soon enough I fell asleep with him playing with my hair.


	19. Chapter 19

"Emily wake up." jack said half asleep. "It is time for the party." He said. I lifted my head from his chest and frowned. "I don't want to get all pretty." I said. "You already are." Jack said while sticking his tongue out. I put my head back down and groaned. Jack wrapped his arms around my lower back and squeezed. He popped my back and I smiled. "Thank you." I said while stretching.

"I seriously don't want to move though." I said laughing and shutting my eyes again. "The party is for you." He laughed. "I don't want to see him." I said into jack's chest. His body stiffened. "He won't get the chance." He said while getting up. "Now come on let's get ready." He said. "No! You left my bed and now it's cold." I said curling up in a ball. I felt his hands go around my ankles and he started pulling me out. "Jack I'm going to kill you." I screamed as he picked me up.

"I love you too." He said with a smile. He set me down and I got clothes. I was just going to wear a tank top and skinny jeans. I re-touched my makeup and walked out into the front room. "Well you look pretty." Zack said with a smile. "Well lets go." I said. We all walked out together and people greeted us with smiles. "I'm going to the bar." I said while walking away.

"Kaityln!" I said as she turned around with a beer in her hand. "Oh hey!" she said while giving me a hug. "Well welcome to your coming out party!" she said with a smile. "thanks." I said with a laugh. "You want one?" she asked, pointing to her beer. "Sure." I said and she got me one. "Did you come with anyone?" I asked. She shook her head and I smiled. "All time low is going to show you how to have a good time." I said and brought her over to the guys.

"You bought the stripper!" jack said. "He is kidding. You don't look like a stripper." I laughed as Kaitlyn's horrified face faded away. "This is Kaitlyn. We have to show her a good time." I said and jack smiled. "Well then let's go get the good stuff off of the bus!" he said and led us to the bus. "Hey ill catch up. I've got a call." Kaityln said. Jack and I walked to the bus ourselves.

"So what do you want?" I asked jack. "Get the box of shot glasses, the jack, the vodka and I'll get the rest." He said. I did as told and Kaityln came onto the bus. "Sorry it was just john wondering where I was." She said. "He is so cute when he is jealous. They have to be in a meeting." She said with a laugh. Jack almost dropped the bottles he was carrying. "Yeah" I laughed. "Well let's get the party started." I said and we walked out to the party.

"Body shots!" kellin Quinn said as we got close to the party. Kaityln and I were the only girls there it seemed like. "I'm up!" I said. I got up on the ping pong table and lied down. I lifted up my tank top over my head and jack put the salt on my stomach. He placed the shot glass between my boobs and filled it. "Well kellin since you suggested it." Jack said.

My heart skipped a beat. I have had the biggest crush on kellin forever. Kellin had the lime in his mouth and lifted his eyebrows. He placed it in my mouth with no hands and I laughed. His tongue went along my stomach and I loved it. I saw his face appear and he put his mouth around the shot glass and took his shot. He set the glass down on the table and I sat up looking innocent with the lime in my mouth. He quickly retrieved the lime from my mouth and everyone cheered.

"Can I be next?!" I heard other band members say. I threw my head back in laughter and Kaityln threw me my shirt. "Thanks." I said and I hopped off of the table. One of the other girls got up and volunteered. "That looked fun." She said smiling. "It was." I laughed. "Looks like kellin wants a little more though." She said and pointed over to him. I flashed a smile over to kellin and then focused back on Kaityln. "Why don't you keep on flirting?" she asked shocked. "Just wait." I said.

I flipped my hair to one side and kept talking to her. "hello." Kellin said as he came up to me. "Well hello there." I said as I turned to face him. "I'm really happy you're the one I got to do the shot off of." He said with a smile. "Well why do you think I volunteered." I said and glanced down real quick. "So do you want to get out of here?" he asked. "Another night Quinn. " I said. "Right now I have to show my friend here a good time." I laughed.

"I'm fine with that." He laughed and walked away. "Oh my god." She said once he walked away. "That is how you get the hottest guy on warped to want to fuck you." I said smiling. "Teach me your ways." She said in amazement. We laughed and went back to the drinking and fun.

~after we had too many drinks~

"I better get back to john. I promise him that we'd fuck tonight." She laughed drunkenly. "Run your fingers through his hair. He likes that." I said lifting up my glass. "How would you know?" she asked, suddenly getting sober. "John and I dated for a month. He broke up with me 2 years ago and he tried to pull this "I still love you" shit today. Can you believe him?" I said drunkenly. "He said that?" she asked.

Oh shit. Before I could answer she gave me a hug. "I knew it! I knew it! Since he saw you I knew. In his sleep he says your name. All the guys agree with me when I say he is in denial Emily. He loves you more than he loves me and I'm okay with that." She said with a smile. "But I don't love him." I said taking a drink. "Emily he has been very depressed for 2 years. He needs you." She said.

"He'll tell you why I can't love him." I said and set my drink down. I have to go." I said and started towards the bus. What the fuck just happened?


	20. Chapter 20

I silently walked onto the bus. "Emily I still love you." I heard john's voice echo. I gripped the wall for support as the air escaped my lungs. "Emily you know what I mean." My mind went back to that night four years ago when he broke up with me. I dug my fingernails into the floor as sobs shook my body.

"I won't let him hurt you again." Jacks voice rang through. "You lied!" I screamed. "You lied jack! You said you wouldn't let him hurt me again! You promised!" I yelled clutching my ribcage. "You promised me jack." I said breathlessly. Why was I hearing voices?

"Jack I'm leaving." I heard myself say. "You've hurt so many people." John's voice teased. His voice was husky and menacing. My eyes drifted over to the bathroom door. "Do it." His voiced whispered. I crawled over to the door and collapsed. "Get up!" his voice yelled. I managed to get up on my knees and open the door. "Do it for me." He pleaded. I opened the cabinet door and dug around for the razor.

"Now hurt yourself like all the people you've hurt." His voice commanded. I curled my fingers around the blade. I rested my palms on the edge of the sink and took a deep breath. I heard Alex's voice ringing in my head. "Emily you need to get help" I roared in anger at his voice. He doesn't know what's going on.

"Emily please stop this" I looked up and saw jack in the mirror with tears in his eyes. I whipped my head around but there was no one in the tiny bathroom with me. I felt a hand wrap around my wrist and johns smell filled my nose. "STOP IT!" I said as I sunk down the floor shaking. What the hell is happening to me?

John's pov:

"John go get her. We both know this wasn't going to work out." kaitlyn said with a smile. This felt different. We were both... Happy? Happy that this was over? She kissed my cheek and I smiled. "Go!" she said and I walked off to go find Emily.

I found the boys out at the party so she must be on the bus. She always is. I opened the door to the bus and I heard screams coming from the bathroom "STOP IT!" I heard Emily scream.

I ran to the bathroom and my hand froze on the doorknob. I don't know why I'm not rushing in. I should help her! Come on she is breaking down! Open the door god dammit! I forced the door open and found pills strewn across the floor. Her bloodshot eyes looked up at me.

"What" she said with a fake smile. "Emily" I gasped I couldn't manage any other words. She looked so fragile sitting there on the floor with a handful of pills and scars trailing down her wrist. "Don't tell me you couldn't have guessed. Once you get famous they suck the life out of you. You're just some face on a poster." she said in a sick and twisted sort of way.

I just stared at her. I should say something but I just can't. "You know I've thought about this before, death, I mean. I think it would be quite peaceful." she said looking down at her hand. "Just stop." I said harshly. "Stop what?" she said acting innocent.

"Stop wanting to die? If only it were that easy John. If only I could have everything I want in life. You of all people would know that." she said laughing. She picked up a bottle that was by her side and took a drink. She lifted the bottle up to me. "Want some?" she said with a smile.

I ripped the bottle from her hand and threw it in the sink. The bottle smashed and Emily jumped up. "What the hell!" she said looking at me. "Emily just stop this! This isn't you!" I said and she laughed.

"Don't you love me anymore John? That's what your girlfriend said." she had a twisted smile on her face. "I don't think I ever stopped." I said seriously and she rolled her eyes. "So that's why you broke up with me and got together with her? You make so much sense." she said.

I was so angry with her. Why can't she just stop this? "Are you proud of what you've done? Are you proud of what a monster I've become? Slowly spinning down in a downward spiral." she said with venom in her voice. I put my hands on her shoulders and shook her.

"God dammit Emily! I'm sorry! I know that will never be good enough but I'm sorry! I messed up okay! I love you. I really do. You need to stop this. You need to get help or something. I can't see you like this." I said with tears coming out of my eyes. I cupped her face and crashed my lips into hers.

I could taste the vodka on her lips but all I could focus on was her. I missed her so much. I pulled away and she opened her eyes. I missed how the gold in her eyes sparkled in the ray of sunlight coming in from the window. I missed her touch, how her lips were normally turned down and when she smiled it made my heart stop.

"I missed you." she said softly. I wrapped her in my arms and just held her. "I'm sorry." She said. "About what?" I asked. I" set her up on the counter and got some paper towels to clean up her wrist. "Everything. I'm sorry about being a mess." She said not even wincing when I pressed down. I looked into her eyes. "Stop that." I said harshly. "Stop being sorry for yourself. This is where it gets you." I said. She had a horrified look on her face.

"Emily what's wrong?" I asked. She pulled her arm away. "ju-just get out." She said with the same look in her eyes. "what?" I asked. She brought her legs up on the counter. "Go away!" she screamed at me. "I'm not leaving." I said softly. I took a step toward her. "Emily it's me." I said to her. "I haven't hurt anyone!" she said with her head in her knees. "Emily you're scaring me." I said. She looked up with tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry." She said.

Emily's pov:

"John are you okay?" I asked as I looked at his stunned expression. "What happened?" he asked. "I'm going crazy I guess." I laughed. "Emily please tell me." He asked. "It's from these pills." She said gesturing to the floor covered with them. "I hear voices telling me to do stuff. They're haunting me kinda." I said, not looking at him.

I felt his hand hesitantly go over mine. I pulled my hand away and looked at the ground. "I-I'm not ready yet. Just give me a minute." I said trying to slow my heartbeat. "What can I do to help?" he asked. I looked up at him in awe.

John's pov:

She looked up at me with haunted eyes. "What?" I asked. "No one's ever asked how they can help. They've just shoved pills towards me." She said wiping a tear away. "Just talk to me." She said clearing her throat. I sat down on the toilet across from her and sighed.

"How is touring so far?" I asked. "It's okay. I have to drink a lot less though. It messes up my throat." she said. i let out a laugh. "Well you're used to drinking heavily and performing almost every night." she said and spat out the drinking part. Her face went blank.

"Fuck john I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." she said. "No its fine." I said not looking at her. "No it's not john. Here you are sweeping in and being the prince charming and saving the day and I'm just pushing your buttons." she said while leaning her head against the mirror.

"Your wrist is bleeding again." I said and got up to help her. She held out her arm and I pressed down on the cuts. "There are 16." She said. I looked away from her wrist and felt heat come up to my cheeks. "I knew you were counting them." She said while pushing my hair out of my face. "It's okay." She said with a smile. "Why sixteen?" I asked. She thought about the question before she answered. "I don't know, I just like it." She said.

"I need to sanitize it." I said. "Fuck why" she said. "Because I don't know how clean that razor was." I said as I dug around the cabinet for some rubbing alcohol. "Please no." she said. "I'm sorry Emily." I said while twisting the cap off. "Here bite on this." I gave her a towel and she stuffed it in her mouth.

I brought her arm over the sink and poured the clear liquid over the torn up flesh. Even with the towel stuffed in her mouth her screams were really loud. "I'm sorry!" I said. She wouldn't stop screaming. I ripped the towel from her mouth and connected my lips with hers. My hands were shaking as I brought them to her face. She bit my lip and pulled just oh so slightly. Her knuckles were turning white and she lowered her head. I could tell by how hard she was gripping the counter she was still in pain.

"Emily don't you cry, close your eyes, everything will be alright, you're so young and still so free." I sang "I have to put a bandage on it." I got out the first aid kit that was in every bus. Tears were coming out of her eyes as she looked up at me. "Since when did you become a doctor?" she laughed with a sniffle. "Its common sense." I laughed and she play hit me.

She drew her arm back to her side hesitantly like she did something wrong. She couldn't look me in the eyes as I bandaged her up. She would give a quick glance in my direction but then look away quickly. I've never seen her timid before.

"Can I ask you a question?" my words filled the silence like air in a balloon. She nodded slightly but still didn't look in my direction. "Are you scared of me?" I said softly. "john." She said fighting back tears. "You don't have to answer that. I'm sorry for prying." I said dismissively.

The question still burned in my throat, begging for an answer I didn't think I would get. "I'm not scared of you…. I'm just not sure if I can trust you yet. After everything…. It's just hard." She said while getting off the counter. "Hey" she lifted my chin so that I could meet her gaze.

"Thank you Dr. O'Callaghan." She said with a smile. I wrapped my arms around her and brought her closer to me. "Sleep with me." She said barely loud enough for me to hear. I kissed her forehead and she smiled with her eyes closed. "You go ahead, ill clean up." And she left.

As I was on the floor cleaning up the blood I couldn't help but picture her lifeless eyes when I first found her….. And how lifeless they were just a second ago. I felt a tear run down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. A metallic scent filled my nose and I looked down at my blood covered hands.

That's her blood….. I have her blood on my hands….. The blood that escaped her wrist as I was outside the door just standing there. She….. She almost died….. I doubled over just gasping for air. If I would've waited just 2 more minutes she surely would be dead.

Pictures of her sitting there with a blood covered arm were tattooed on the insides of my eyelids. "John are you still in there?" Emily called from outside the door. "Yeah I'll be there in a second." I said and cleared my throat. I stood over the sink just looking at the shards of glass from the vodka bottle I broke. Instantly I regret not downing the bottle. I don't want to remember what I witnessed tonight.

I carefully moved the shards into the trash and flushed the pills down the toilet. After I finally got all the blood out from underneath my fingernails I walked out into the silent bus. "Emily?" I called into the darkness. "In here." She said from a top bunk.

I pulled back the curtain and found her listening to music. "You know I don't know how or why you got here when you did but I'm thanking god right now that you did." She said, staring at the ceiling. I laid there and played with her hair as we listened to her music. "Does it still hurt?" I asked hesitantly. I wanted to know if she still hurts from all the emotional shit that's been going on. "What do you mean?" she asked, looking up at me. "Your wrist." I lied.

"I can tell when you're lying." She said. "Say what you want to say john it's okay." She said looking into my eyes. "What hurts?" I asked. "I don't know. I miss how planned out everything was. First thing, go to college. Next, become president of a sorority. Next, graduate. Then, I would further my education and get a job straight out of college. I gave up all of that for this." She finished with a bitter laugh, almost mocking herself.

"I miss how happy I used to be. It hurts having to remember all of those times I tried… like tonight, having it all haunt you." She said, staring up again. It looked as though there was a puzzle in the wall just above our faces and she was trying to solve it. I hesitantly reached for her hand and a smile crept across her face as she intertwined our fingers. "You probably think I'm some sort of crazy freak." She said timidly.

"I think you are strong, stronger than you realize. I think that you are going through really hard times right now, but you'll make it through. You will find a way and when you do it will be beautiful and I will be here to help in any way that I can." I said while drawing circles on the back of her hand. She moved closer to me and put her head on my chest and touched her lips to my clothed chest.

"Go to sleep." I said and she snuggled even closer to me.

This is probably the closest I've gotten to perfect in two years.


	21. Chapter 21

Emily's pov:

All through soundcheck and the concert next day I couldn't stop smiling . My brother played an early set so they all came down and watched me play. They all looked so happy but there was still a sick feeling in my stomach.

We're John and I back together? Did I want to be back together with him? I took a drink of water and looked out into the crowd. "before I continue to my last song I need to say something. I just want to thank all of you for believing in me. You guys fought for me when I was tired of fighting. I owe everything to you guys." I said with tears forming in my eyes. The crowd was silent until Alex started clapping. The whole crowd was clapping and screaming. I let the tears fall down and smiled. "now let's make some fucking memories! I want to see crowd surfing. No mosh pits I don't like that shit." I laughed and played my last song.

"Emily you were awesome" Alex said while running over to me and wrapping his arms around me. "fuck you Alex lemme see her." jack said while Alex stepped away and he hugged me. "you were amazing sweetheart." he said. "what was that whole speech about at the end?" Zack said. "just caught up in the moment." I said. "BUT NOT IN THE RIGHT WAY." Alex sang. "really dude." rian said.

John and the rest of the Maine walked towards the stage And Alex tensed up. "jack why don't we go get some beers." I said and the boys sat down on the couch.

Jack and I walked down to the busses. "jack I need to tell you something." I said looking down. "what you aren't pregnant are you?" he laughed. I looked up at him and he stopped laughing. "what is it." he said concerned. "last night during the party I was in the bathroom freaking out and I uh...tried...again." I stammered. "go on." he said softly. "John found me." I said blinking back tears. "what happened?" he said not looking at me. "we kissed that's all. We aren't back together jack it's just.." I said but I was stopped by jack hugging me. "I'm happy." he said smiling. "you are?" I asked. "of course I am. You haven't smiled since he left. Like a real smile where you bite your lip and your eyes do that adorable twinkly thing." he laughed. I couldnt help but smile. "just like that." he said. " do you think Alex will take it like you are?" I asked. "to be honest no. He is probably going to blow up and freak out. We need to convince him it's a good thing." he said. I pulled him into the bus. "I'll do it right now." I said while walking to my bunk. I opened up the bag that was underneath my

Blanket. "here." I said handing him the bag. "wow." he said as he saw the 15 bottles of pills and the razors. "I'm throwing it away." I said. I walked over to the trashcan and emptied the contents."let's get those beers." he said with a smile and we walked to the cooler.

Alexs pov:

"do you think everything is okay with Emily?" Zack said. I turned my head towards him. "I hope so. Everything seemed fine today" I said nervously. something was up with Emily. Emily and jack came back with beers. "finally god damn." I said as Emily handed me a beer. She shot me a look and sat on jacks lap. "hey emily!" jack shouted. "hey jack!" she yelled back. "guess what!" he screamed back. "you're my best friend." he said while hugging her from behind. "well thanks" I said pretending to be hurt. "Alex you know someone could never replace you." he said . I laughed and Emily got up. "I'm tired." she yawned.

"I think it's nap time." I said getting up too. Everyone agreed and we all went to the bus.

"alex wait up." Emily said as everyone was getting onto the bus. "what?" I asked. "I need to tell you something." She said nervously. She couldn't look me in the eye. "Emily tell me." I said with a smile of anticipation. "last night I tried….. it.. again." She said cautiously. I took a step closer to her and moved her bangs. "its alright Emily just tell me." I said knowing what she was going to say next. "John found me." She said. "I know." I stopped her. She looked up in surprise. "What do you mean?" she said with a shocked expression across her face. "I told him that if he wanted to, he could get back together with you. It was obvious you still loved him. He made you happy. It was horrible seeing you like this Emily." I said laughing softly. She smiled and walked onto the bus. I blinked hard because for a second I thought I saw little 5 year old Emily stand before me; her little sweet innocent smile before the hell that happened to her. I walked onto the bus dumbfounded and hung out with everyone as we were on our way to the next venue.


	22. Chapter 22

The next day:

Emilys pov:

It was our day off and john took me on a date. "do you even know what town we're in?" john asked with a smile. "not really." I confessed and I laced my fingers with his. "Take in the environment." He said. It was a pretty odd thing to say. all I knew was that it was hot and dry. I looked around and saw a cactus in someones yard. We were back…. "okay." I said with my throat tight. I didn't want to be here. Too many bad memories. "Do you remember what street this is?" he asked cautiously. I looked up at the street sign and froze.

"john what do you think youre doing?" I asked; turning away from the street sign labeling the street he lives on. "Emily just come hangout. We can tell them we are just friends." He said holding both of my hands now."no, tell them we are dating again." i said with my throat dry. I took a few steps away from him. If I want this to work I have to trust him. "don't leave my side." I said looking down. He lifted my chin, "never again." He said.

We continued walking up to his door. I found out that we were closer than I thought. My heart beat quickened as we walked up the pathway. John opened the door and i saw his mom. "John youre home!" she said in her high pitched voice. "Hi mom." john said as he gave her a hug. "Mom this is emily, my girlfriend." john said smiling. His eyes didnt separate from mine. "well john didnt tell me that! Welcome emily!" she said and gave me a hug.

"Ross,shane get down here johns home!" she called up the stairs. The older brother came down the stairs and gave john a hug and they started talking about tours and such. I glanced towards the stairs and no one else was coming.

"hey john wheres your bathroom?" i asked. He pointed upstairs to the room with the light on. i walked upstairs and knocked on the door. "no ones in there." johns other brother said as he came around the corner. i gasped and turned around as his words startled me. "Its okay." he laughed. "im shane." he said with a smile just like johns. He extended his arm. "im emily. johns girlfriend." i said smiling and shook his hand. his eyes drifted towards down to my bare arm.

"Youre emily gaskarth... you're _**the**_ emily gaskarth." he said. he couldn't take his eyes away from the barely visible scars on my arm. "I guess." i laughed. "Sorry, i just saw your arm and made the connection. I went to a concert this warped tour where you shared your story." he said shy. "thats awesome! i'm happy that people actually notice me." i laughed. "are you kidding? you're like famous." he said wide eyed.

"Shane!" johns mother called. "well i gotta go. Its nice to actually meet you." he smiled as he walked down stairs. "hey there." john said with a smile as he walked up the stairs. "hey you." i said and pecked john lightly. "Come with me." he said. he held my hand and led me down a hallway. "i want to show you my room." he said. i looked at all the family photos and i felt a kick to my stomach.

John opened the door and i saw a typical teenage boy room. Another kick. john connected his lps with mine and shut the door behind us. He ran his fingers through my hair and i felt his tounge on mine. "i love you." he said and pressed our foreheads together. "i love you too." i smiled. He pulled away and pressed his hand to my jawline and ran his thumb accross my cheek. "whats wrong?" he said with a troubled look. "I just miss my family." i said not telling john everything. "is that all?" he asked. "yes." i said and shut my eyes.

"its okay emily. warped tour is almost over and you can see them again." he said as he wrapped his arms around me. he gently kissed my forehead and the scent of him invaded my nose. i took in a deep breath and suppressed the tears. "what time is it?" i asked. john glanced over to a clock on his nightstand. "five." he said and went and laid down on his bed.

"You want to watch a movie or something?" he asked. I shook my head and climbed under the covers with him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. we were side by side just staring at the ceiling. "What are you thinking about?" i asked him. "How good your hair smells." he said while i rested my head on his chest. "how much i love you." he said while intertwining our fingers together.

"what are you thinking about?" he asked me. "your brother noticed me and turns out he is a big fan." i laughed. "my own brother! he isnt even a big fan of my band!" john said laughing. "i guess we know who is better."i said as i rolled over so i was on top of him. "whatever you say princess." he laughed. "fine then ill just go down and converse with your family." i said as i started getting off the bed. i felt johns hand wrap around my stomach and pull me back. we both laughed and john started kissing my neck.

"stay." he whispered into my neck. it sent shivers down my spine as i felt his breath on my neck. "Is this you?!" i laughed as i pointed to a picture on the wall. hs hand traced along my arm and he wrapped his hand around mine. "yeah thats what i looked like in highschool. "Hot." i laughed. "i got all the babes. but now i have the one that counts." he said as he kissed our hands. "what is up with you today?" i laughed. "what do you mean?" he asked. "youre so sweet and mushy today." i turned my head to look at him. he looked into my eyes and opened his mouth to speak.

"john dinner is ready." shane said has he peered into johns room. John sighed and i got up. "Its nothing." he smiled and kissed me. we walked downstairs and i smelt spaghetti. "John said it was your favorite emily." jenny said as i entered the dining room. "it is!" i said excitedly as i sat down.

"so emily tell us about yourself." jenny said while unfolding her napkin. "well i'm a solo artist. im on warped tour right now. i love what i do and i get to spend almost every day with my brother and his band." i said smiling as i thought of alex. "she is amazing mom!" john said holding my hand. "You two remind me of your mom and me." johns dad said smiling at jenny.

"So how do you like arizona?" johns dad said to me. "I love it. i actually went to school here for college... then uh... there were a few bumps in the road and i dropped out and became a singer." i said remembering this house all too well. "Oh thats right! you were in the paper 'ex sorority girl gets big break' was on the newspaper!" shane said. We made small talk for the rest of the night until it was time to go back to the busses. i couldn't help but have a sick feeling in my stomach as i kept remembering john childhood room.


End file.
